Because Of Faith, My Heart Is Healing

Because Of Faith, My Heart Is Healing

He can heal a broken heart!

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It was raining the night you left me.

God was shedding his tears and washing away the sorrow that seemed to envelop me as I watched your back leave through my front door.

Agony overcoming my body, knees trembling with the loss of you.

Feeling as if at any second, I would collapse into a ball of udder destruction.

My tears running down my face burning my cheeks like acid rain falling from the clouds above.

The taste of salt now on my lips that are quivering ever so slightly.

The feeling of my heart breaking into thousands of shattering pieces able to rip through my flesh and kill me right then and there.

I never saw the end of us coming,

After all, we were just getting our lives together started and planned out.


That cold, wet dark night that you left you covered me in endless shame and disgust over myself.

Making it seem as if I was the one to blame for our demise.

Treating me as if I were some demonic creature sent from hell by Satan to destroy you.

In the end you were the destroyer of me.

The destroyer of love and happiness that could have been internal.

The only thing that saved my life from you that rainy night, was the presence of God and my never-ending trust and love I have for him.

When you turned your back on me, he was there to pick up every piece in which you caused to crumble to the floor.

No amount of love could compare to his that he had for me that night.

Showing me how toxic you truly were,

Showcasing that the devil works in mysterious and unimaginable ways to hurt those who follow our one true King.


With the now burning of my cheeks and puffy eyes, I sit with trembling knees and shaking shoulders hoping by some miracle that this was all just a terrible dream.

I would wake up and everything would be fine,

You would somehow come back to me,

And we would be happy like we always promised one another that we would be.


Sitting there in silence with only the sounds of my ragged breathing and the sniffles of my runny nose,

No matter how bad you destroyed me at that moment in time, I felt whole.

For God was with me, embracing me with his love and glory.


That was the night you left me.

When the rain turned into hope, it would wash away every single sin and the corrupt feelings I had because of you.

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Christian Women And Modern Feminism Cannot Coexist

Women who hold the truths of the Bible cannot also hold the ideas of modern feminism.

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Feminism, as it is defined, is the "advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes," according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. This is NOT where the problem lies.

Eve was made from the rib of Adam, not from the foot to be below him, or the head to be above him, but the rib to stand beside him. The problem does not stand with the ideology that women and men are equal as humans, as this is a Biblical truth.

The problem lies within what feminism has become.

For Christian women, our calling is outlined directly in Titus 2. It states, "(women) are to love their husbands and children, be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands."

This seems to fly directly in the face of modern feminism, doesn't it? Working at home?! How dare you say that! Notably, this verse never says women cannot have a career outside of the home; it simply says that the home is a priority when a woman has a husband and children.

Submissive to their husbands?! That sounds like slavery!

The church is to submit to Christ's word and will, and the husband is to be the spiritual leader of his home. Similarly, the wife is ideally like the church in which she allows her husband to lead the family. It never says that a woman is a servant and can be abused by her husband.

Modern feminism teaches that women are not just similar to men, but that they should be better.

They constantly focus on what they can do that men can't, and what they can do better than men. Why is this a problem for Christian women? Men and women are meant to complement each other in their personalities and physicalities, they are not meant to try and outdo each other.

God made both man and woman to bind together and live life together, as humans are made for companionship. Modern feminism also teaches that you have every right to abort a child within you, even if it's a result of your own irresponsibilities.

Jeremiah 1:5 states, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart..." As a Christian woman, how could you support an ideology that completely disregards the sanctity of human life?

Modern feminism attacks the core of Christian womanhood and effectively destroys the special qualities of women created by God.

We are made differently than men and that is OK. If you are a Christian woman, and you hold the truths of the Bible as law in your heart, there is absolutely no logical way that modern feminist ideologies can coexist.

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Faithfulness Is Like The Clouds

God's faithfulness in our lives reaches higher than the clouds - that's pretty far.

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Psalms 36:5 "Your love Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."

As I look out of the window in the airplane, I see the sun covering everything in its sight. And as I watch the sun cover the earth, I can feel the peace of God being to settle into my heart. We lift off the ground and I know His faithfulness travels with me wherever I go.

Something that I've learned in 2018 is that Gods' plan for my life is never late. He didn't messily throw my life together in 5 minutes, nor was He unwavering in the details of my life. He very cautiously knit together every moment of my life, even when I didn't understand why He chose to do what He did.

Over the past five months, I have been more aware of Gods faithfulness in my life than I have been in a very long time.

To make this story short, I did not grow up surrounded by extended family like most people I know. And while God has still been so good to me in my years growing up, I still had the small void in my heart that yearned for something more. Something that I had prayed to God in secret many times, but never intended to do anything about it.

This past summer I watched as God took that very desire of my heart and beautifully unravel them before my eyes in a plan that has been so intricately put together for years, but He chose to reveal it to me now. I watched as He taught me how to trust Him with everything in me, not just bits and pieces of me. I watched God reintroduce me into what it means to be proud of my culture and ethnicity in new and fresh ways. The dry and barren place of my heart that I felt could never see these promises that God had for me were beginning to come to life.

He gave me joy. Joy in people and in places that I lived 20 years without, but God knew one day He would surround me with. As I sat in the midst of conversations and togetherness, I was reminded that this was the very thing that I had prayed to God for so many years.

Our prayers are not insignificant to God. He holds every single one of them close.

So many times in my life I have asked God to just help me to understand what He's doing in my life. To just tell me why He's doing the things that He's doing. And so many more times after that, I have God remind me that maybe I'm not supposed to understand. Maybe I'm supposed to just let everything in me fall at His feet the same way that Mary did with Jesus. Maybe I'm supposed to constantly trust Him with every second of my life, even when I don't know the next step.

God never stops teaching me about His faithfulness, and I hope he never does stop. I hope in 2019 He brings me to places of growing more in what it means to invest in relationships, to speak into other lives about His goodness in mine. One significant thing that I learned recently is that Gods promises for our lives are never meant to run out. Just like His faithfulness in our lives are never meant to only happen for a few months. It is never ending and always secure. In Hebrews 10:23, It says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

..."For He who promised is faithful"

What a beautiful truth to know and to carry with us into this new year.

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