From as far back as I can remember, clothes’ shopping was the worst part of going back school. I never strayed near anything that said Petite or that was smaller than a large and I never dare walk out of a fitting room to show my mom what I had tried on. I remember staring at myself in countless dressing rooms and crying because what I saw staring back at me was not what I thought was beautiful. And little did I know that my idea of beauty was so beyond warped, and at such a young age.

Growing up I was always the “bigger girl” and the “jokester” and the “class clown” and it wasn’t because I was funny (even though I’m hilarious) but it was my defense mechanism. It was a way to keep people laughing at my jokes rather than my weight, but that didn’t always work. Many of bus rides home I acted like I couldn’t hear the taunts or the jokes or the “Ms. Piggy” nicknames amongst many others, but many of nights those suppressed tears came full surface when I was alone with the mirror.

It wasn’t until senior year of high school, after a spinal surgery, and working out way too much, and eating way too little did I realize that even at my lowest weight, I still wasn’t happy with what I saw. Freshman and Sophomore year I came across a friend of mine who decided to start taking some pictures of me to expand her photography skills and it wasn’t until I saw the pictures of how she captured my beauty through her lens that I realized I had been wrong all along.

Beauty is not determined by the size of your pants or the stretch marks on your legs or tummy, or by the number on the scale and the media definitely does not determine it, which leads me to my main point.

For the past year, I have been signed with a modeling agency in North Carolina and had the chance to work with different photographers and department stores modeling their “plus size” clothing. I have been deemed a Plus Size model by many standards and for that, there is some prejudice as to whether we deserve the same respect as other models. Granted, I’m lucky enough to be signed and supported by an agency that refers to its curvy models as “Curve Models”, there are many people who like to slam down the word PLUS SIZE, to make sure we know our place in the industry.

Trust me, I’ve been curvy my entire life, I don’t need someone to remind me of what I am and who I am because I’m pretty sure these curves landed me this job.

**Disclaimer: don’t get me wrong, I love modeling, it’s always been a passion of mine and I am not ashamed of my size, but even being labeled the term “plus size” still stings.

Not only that, but the thing that stings the most is that to be a curve model and be successful in today’s industry, you have to be willing to show skin. I constantly wonder when the day will come that my curves covered in clothes will be enough to make a difference in a little girl’s life, to let her know that her beauty is skin deep, and what is on the inside, and how she treats others is when her true beauty radiates.

I started modeling because for as long as I can remember, my body was my biggest fear, and I felt like it defined me, but it does not define me. My actions, my heart, my character, my personality, those are the things that define me. Therefore (sorry, I got off on a tangent), I started modeling to show younger girls that your body doesn’t define who you are and that any girl, of any size, can achieve their dream.

So if the industry wants to use the term Plus Size to define my curves that God gave me, then so be it, because I will not let the words “Plus Size” and “Curvy” stop me from my passion, and I will not let the standard be what I settle for, and I will not let those words stop me from feeling like less in this industry or like I need to show more skin to be accepted, because I know my self-worth, and although some days are harder than other, I will continue to see the beauty in the body God gave me.