I am white.
My skin is fair, I can easily find a hairdresser to work with my hair type, makeup is readily available that matches my skin tone and "nude" clothing is actually nude on my body.
My best friend is black.
Her skin is a beautiful, rich brown, her hair always looks perfect but she often can't go into the same salons as I because my stylist isn't equipped to work with her hair. She cannot go to the drugstore to buy a foundation with the conviction that it will perfectly match (though, she doesn't need any makeup in my opinion) like I can. The accepted nude is not her nude.
I'm called "beautiful" and "cute." She's told that she's "pretty for a black girl." Even the most offensive messages I've had from men don't compare to some of the things she's been told.
"I've never been with a black girl before."
"I'm tired of white girls."
"I've never kissed a black girl."
"Let's make interracial babies together."
This guy had no clue that what he had said was offensive. He was more interested in her skin color than her personality. He'd rather "kiss a black girl" than get to know how funny she is, how much of a great cook she is, how she gives the best advice, how her friends rely on her to help them through tough situations. These messages make her mad-- rightly so-- and they make me mad. Most people would never say those kinds of comments in face-to-face conversation (seriously, do guys think this is a flattering compliment?), so why the Internet?
While I understand that this is Tinder and Tinder isn't exactly a platform known for it's meaningful relationships (there are some, though!), I still can't understand why her skin is the first thing he saw and commented on. Maybe I'm biased since I've known her for seven years and I talk to her everyday (long distance friendships are full of Facebook and Instagram tagging). When I look at Jade, yes I see that she's black; if I "refused to see color" I'm ignoring a part of who she is which isn't what best friends are for. But when I look at her, I see someone who is intelligent, willing to help a friend at a moment's notice and someone I've come to consider a part of my family-- regardless of skin color. Maybe that guy would have seen what I see if he had taken the time to get to know her. Reus-- and all the others-- will never know what they're missing out on. I've never heard from anyone that I'm "beautiful for a white girl", "I've never kissed a white girl" or "I've never been with a white girl".
If my beauty is not tied to my skin, why should hers be?