Sometime in my sophomore year at Northern Arizona University, I encountered the worst and loneliest season of depression that I have ever experienced. This involved me spending long days and nights sitting in my bedroom in my student apartment, going to class alone, going shopping alone, and generally hardly reaching past my own four walls.

Within those walls, I felt completely and utterly alone, stressed over homework, and isolated from the friends I had made during freshman year and from my family a two-hour drive away. I called it a "sophomore slump," but as my grades began to decline and my stress piqued, I should have known it was something more.

I lost a four-year tuition scholarship and the chance to live in a city I held so dear. Depression comes in like a shadow. It is not direct and neither is it obvious. It is subtle and puts you on slow boil until your optimism, like a frog, dies. I write this now because it is important to acknowledge the subtle ways of a monster that claims the minds and lives of so many.

I once thought that if I could have or do a certain thing, then I would be a happier person.

"If I can just get this job, then I will be happy.."

"If I can just pass this class, then I will be happy..."

"If I can just find someone who loves me, then I will be happy..."

"If I can only finish writing this book, then I will be happy..."

Obtaining what I wanted was uplifting and fulfilling, sure, but those feelings eventually gave way to darkness and doubt. Since my sophomore year, I have recovered some of the light and hope that I had once lost; I worked on confiding in people I could trust and being willing to change.

The most important thing that I did while dealing with it all was to acknowledge depression by its name and to share my experiences with people I trust. I sought medical help and improved my health. Even now though, I sometimes still feel myself slipping into those old habits and letting depression slip its fingers under my skin.

Though I have accomplished much, every day is still a struggle. I struggle to feel hopeful and motivated in the face of my own overwhelming doubts and happiness-deficit brain. Depression is not a dragon that I've slain to just move on; it is a battle and a choice every day. I must always consciously choose to better myself and to take responsibility in caring for myself while making my mental health a priority. Even still, some days are better than others; some days I would rather check out of my life. I'm not the best, but at least I'm getting better.

If anyone reading this is struggling with depression, I encourage them to reach out and talk to the person they trust the most. In the US alone, depression affects more than 16.1 million people, and not one of them should have to face it alone.