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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder

It took years to know that I was worth more.

Colleen Thornton

Feb 01, 2016

Mount Saint Mary College

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Hi there,

We haven't talked in a while and I'm more than OK with that. I just wanted to tell you a few things since you've been on my mind lately.

First of all, I wanted to let you know that I hate you. I used to rely so heavily on everything that revolved around you. You ruined me. You ruined my relationship with others. You ruined my relationship with food. You stole my innocence.

I've come so far from the last time that you were my world and I couldn't be more proud of myself. That doesn't change the past though. You're the reason I was depressed. You're the reason for my anxiety. You're the reason I was so sad.

I will never get back those hours that I cried because I was "too fat." I'll never get back all those moments when I could have been enjoying my ice cream. I'll never get back all the food I refused to eat. I'll never get back those moments of abuse that I went through to make myself "perfect." All those nights that I spent a mess because I was "too fat" to even have an eating disorder are something that you stole from me.

At 12-years-old, you should be worrying about what color nail polish to use this week not how many pounds you can lose this week. You stole seven years of my life and I hate you for it.

No matter how much I hate you and how much pain you caused, I have some things that I need to thank you for.

It took years of fighting to get my life back. It took years to know that I was worth more.

You taught me that I am worth something. You showed me how to be strong. You showed me how to love myself.

After years of fighting back, I finally know that I'm worth something. I know it's OK to eat 500 calories in one meal rather than one day. Because of you I know what strength is. I know what pain is. I know what sorrow is.

I lost a lot because of you, some things I will never get back.

From you I gained strength. I gained acceptance. I gained willpower. I gained courage. I grew as a person once I kicked you out of my life. I'm better off without you.

Knowing you broke me, but overcoming you really did change me.

I don't have much to say to you anymore and I'm glad we've gone our separate ways.

So my parting words to you are: Fuck you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Open Letter To My Eating Disorder

It took years to know that I was worth more.

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83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

Because smiling gives you wrinkles.

1. “When I first met you, I thought you were a b*tch.”

2. Somebody asks you if you’re mad at them at least once a day.

3. You always look unamused. Even when you are very amused.

4. Anna Wintour is your spirit animal.

5. You are never approached by people who are tabling on campus.

6. You have to practice smiling before you get your photo taken.

7. The word “judgmental” is thrown at you on the daily.

8. You make people visibly uncomfortable in section by glancing at them.

9. Your parents thought that this was just part of a teenage phase, but this is actually just your face.

10. Your face could get you out of jury duty.

It hits hard in college.

1. Excitement of the final year

2. Trying to take easy classes to make it out alive

3. Does attendance count for a grade?

4. Skipping once won't hurt me

5. Wait that is due?

6. I'm just trying to graduate

7. I'll just do this assignment during my other class

8. Patiently waiting

9. Rejection

10. Accepting that you might have gotten a degree for nothing

11. Probably should have studied for that test

12. Sanity > class

13. Finally an acceptance letter

14. Oh yeah, finals

15. Graduating!

You might not see them everyday anymore, but you're still friends and your text messages prove it.

1. "Should I skip class today?"

2. "Did you hear ________ is engaged?"

3. "When are you coming home?"

4. "I finally talked to the cute guy in my science lecture."

5. GIFs, on GIFs, on GIFs.

6. "I saw the cutest puppy on my walk to class this morning!"

7. "Do you remember when we ________ at ________?"

8. "I miss you."

Sometimes these things are both necessary and inevitable.

1. Spending their money - when they actually don't have any.

2. Take naps. Lots of naps.

3. Staying up late binge-watching a Netflix show when you have an early class.

4. Skip a class to do something completely unnecessary.

5. Putting all your homework off for the night before it's due just so you can do nothing for a night.

6. Going out on a Thursday night when you have a test the next day.

7. Making impulsive decisions.

8. Write an important paper in one night.

9. Classifying Ramen as your main food group.

10. Going on late night food runs - and I mean really late.

11. Having more than 3 cups of coffee a day.

12. Doing really dumb, irresponsible things when out with your friends.

13. Finishing an entire show on Netflix in less than a week.

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7. "Do you remember when we at ?"