Last year, I remember locking myself in the bathroom and feeling so elated after stepping off the scale.. a feeling I never had had before.

I had to stand in front of the mirror and examine my stomach just to make sure it was true. I muttered to myself.

"Finally. I'm finally skinny" It was the first time I felt like I was worth something.

I was around ten years old when I realized I was different. I began to notice that I couldn't fit into the same clothes as most of my peers. At recess, kids would call me fat and leave me out of games. I began sucking in my stomach in pictures and religiously stepping on the scale. Even when it was over 105 degrees outside, I would hide my "disgusting" body in over-sized sweaters, and I avoided public pools like the plague. Every day the scale just took a blow to my self-esteem, and every day I just felt more and more worthless.

At the age of 15 I was calorie counting continuously, and every time I ate something I made sure to burn it off on the treadmill. If I wanted something with an exorbitant amount of calories, I would merely just chew it for a few seconds for the taste and spit it back out. I spent hours running on that old treadmill in our dusty, hot garage. There were a few times I passed out from exhaustion, but I still had to please that damn scale. When the number didn't reflect how hard I was working, I would binge eat for a few days at a time. My life became a cycle of overeating, working out, and getting closer to my "goal weight".

I lost a lot of weight very quickly, but because I was overweight no one saw that as a problem. I got so many compliments. I was finally gaining the affirmation I was seeking since I was in middle school so why would I stop? Why would I see this as a problem?

This carried on for a few years, and I continued to drop pound after pound.

My senior year in high school was very hard for me, and I had to drop out of the swim team. Because we had moved across town, I had to take a bus at 6 am to school, and I didn't get home until around 6 pm. I was so exhausted; I just stopped the constant working out and calorie counting. The weight came back pretty quickly, and I was devastated. I spent weeks crying in my room, feeling like the awkward 13 year old, too scared to try on a swimsuit again.

The day of graduation I began to slip on one of my old dresses. The zipper didn't go up all the way, and I crumbled to the floor in tears. Moments later, my mother came in with a cheery smile, "Finally the big day, ya ready to go kiddo?"

She saw me and quickly asked me what was wrong. I was a little embarrassed to say that my dress didn't fit.

My mother was aware of my weight problems, and we had shared some very intense moments together because of it. So when she said this at this particular moment. It just stuck.

"Christina. You're beautiful, you always have been."

This simple, but powerful comment helped me begin my journey to self-love. I hope to do the same for you as a reader who may be struggling.

I started to tell myself that I was worth something; that a f*cking number on a scale didn't define me as a person. I urge you to mimic the same narrative.

I know that people struggle a lot with gaining weight during college. With all the late nights and the strained budgets, it's hard sometimes to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm here to tell you that doesn't mean you are not beautiful. It doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be happy with the way you look right now. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with wanting to change something about yourself, but just know that your imperfections make you unique. At size 0 or 18 you are a beautiful human being.

I know, I know it's a lot easier said than done. Trust me; this is a lifetime battle. But it's all about changing your narrative. If a friend spoke to you the way you talk to yourself, would you be friends with them? (Hopefully, the answer is no. You deserve better than that, queen). It may sound cheesy, but put up reminders for yourself. Sticky notes on the mirror with things you like about yourself. It's a simple, stupid hack that saved my life.

I gathered a list of videos that helped me a lot during some dark days; I hope that you find them just as helpful:

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Remember, you're beautiful. You always have been.

If you would like to reach out to me personally here's my email: classof2015123@gmail.com