I want to live. I want to accomplish all that I am diligently working towards. I have goals. I have a purpose. I no longer question, "why me?" or think that taking my life will stop the pain.

I just want to live a more stable, pain-free life. One in which I am not consumed with pain every single second of every single day. Since the age of thirteen, I have sacrificed living a "normal" life for one that very few young people can relate to.

When I say, "I'm tired" I mean so much more than "sleepy."

Showering strains my arms from shampooing and conditioning my hair, usually preventing me from having the energy to dry my hair. Eating makes me sick, no matter what I consume - even water. My head is always experiencing at least one form of a headache, averaging at least three significant migraines a day. My pain wakes me up at night. Taking the stairs means vertigo, shortness of breath, aching knees, and more. I nearly always feel as If i'm on the brink of sleep.

I try to pretend I'm feeling okay when I'm with friends. I don't want to ruin the moment or have all the attention. I'm sorry I'm often cracking my neck, back, or shoulders. I'm sorry for all the times I'm caught with tear-brimmed eyes. I'm sorry that I can't go out whenever. I'm sorry that I'll disappear quickly to the bathroom when I can't keep my food down, or feel suddenly sick. More so, I'm sorry that I keep saying sorry, but I cannot even tell if people are patient these days anymore.

There have been many highlights that have shined through the aches and the pains. I have met some of the highest performing doctors, specializing in various different areas. I continue to gain firsthand experience as a chronic illness patient that will guide me to be a better caregiver. I have found which medications have negative effects on me, and which are beneficial for me. I have found alternative therapies to make life more manageable, such as biofeedback and chiropractic/massage therapy. I have gained such great knowledge and exposure to the medical world.

I keep the positives in mind as much as I can, because otherwise I would be lost in the seemingly never-ending list of negatives.

My pain keeps me up at night, fogged in the morning, miserable during the day, and then the cycle restarts. I want to live, not just get by.

This is a desperate hope that I will be able to accomplish all the many things I will set my mind to, and that my pain will not hold me back from living a happy and fulfilling life.

I have so many aspirations, dreams, goals, or whatever word fancies you. In fact, I have so many aspirations that they may be the things that keep me going most days.

I am on the brink of greatness, but I desperately need something to lessen the emotional and physical pain I cannot evade.