Being American, I have seen many Disney films. However, despite historical inaccuracies and impossible figures, I feel like many of them (especially from the late 20^th century on) try in some way to influence children positively. And I truly appreciate that.

However, most of these films follow a basic pattern: one or both of the protagonists has a problem; they meet their soulmates (usually each other); after a conflict or two, with outside forces, the problem(s) is resolved and they marry and live happily ever after.

Prime example: Tangled. Rapunzel is trapped in her tower by her love of Mother Gothel and her fear of the outside world. Eugene is hiding behind the facade of Flynn Rider the thief because he feels like no one will like the real him. They meet each other. Eugene (after some convincing) takes Rapunzel out of her tower into the main city of the kingdom. On the way, Rapunzel gets to know and fall in love with the real Eugene. They have a conflict with Mother Gothel. When they win Rapunzel gets to live outside of her tower forever as a princess and Eugene gets a whole family who loves him for who he is and presumably stops being a thief. Rapunzel and he eventually marry. Problem solved, right?

Wrong. These movies generally only deal with external conflicts or one big internal conflict. They do not handle the emotional ramifications of being a human being, nor the issues of two unique individuals trying to figure out how to live together. They also rarely show real couple conflict that is not directly caused by the interference of the enemy. Hence, they spread the message that in order for your problems to be fixed, all you need to do is find your soulmate.

This is usually not the case. At the beginning of any moderately healthy long-term relationship, there is generally a honeymoon period in which emotions are heightened, everything is new and exciting, and there is no such thing as enough. When that wears off, the work begins. Because, even if these people are soulmates, if such a thing exists, their problems and personalities are not erased simply by being together. Eventually, no matter how happy they make each other, their issues will resurface and likely clash.

Take the entirely hypothetical coupling of Theresa and Nellie, for example. Theresa has untreated alcoholism. She finds her soulmate, Nellie. At first, Theresa is so happy when she is around Nellie that she stops drinking heavily. She wants to be better for her. However, the newness eventually wears off. Eventually, through a series of innocent actions or rough events, the bottles start whispering at Theresa again. Her illness comes back full throttle. Before she knows it, she is in the middle of another alcoholic episode. Theresa’s soulmate did not deal with her alcoholism. The symptoms only seemed to improve for a little while. In order to recover from her alcoholism, she has to go to therapy and rehab and groups. Nellie, no matter how well she fits and no matter how happy she makes Theresa, cannot fix this for her and should not be expected to. It is as ridiculous as thinking that love alone can cure tuberculosis.

In other words: relationships are hard. Especially when you have problems as big as alcoholism, but even, the little things add up. For instance, after the five hundredth time that Rosie has had to clean Eddie’s hair out of the drain, it becomes a huge fight which he counters with the fact that Rosie never rinses off her dishes before she puts them in the sink. An easy fix? Maybe. But it is not one that love alone can solve.

Some things can be fixed with a long talk and compromise. Other things require personal work as well as extra effort put into the relationship. Relationships are not strong because you are tethered to that person by an internal connection, they are strong because you work at them and build a foundation.

So, the next time you see Tangled, remember that Rapunzel has never actually seen what a healthy relationship looks like and Eugene may have trouble, still, believing that anyone likes him for who he is as a person. They may be together for the rest of their lives, but perhaps not without a bit of therapy.