Aziz Anzari Reminds Us Of More Than Our Initial Assumptions
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Aziz Anzari Reminds Us Of More Than Our Initial Assumptions

"As an avid fan of his work and activism, I was stunned and sad, but... Not really." #MeToo

168
Aziz Anzari Reminds Us Of More Than Our Initial Assumptions
Washington Examiner

Last week, a 23 year-old photographer "Grace" accused Aziz Ansari, a writer and comedian who has profited from the image of respecting women, of sexual assault. As an avid fan of his work and activism, I was stunned and sad, but... Not really.

This is reality. Grace's story is a sobering reminder of how violence against women thrives within it.

The reality is Aziz Ansari represents the quintessential rapist. According to RAINN, three out of four rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. Because of this statistic, our society has come to know the rapist not as the violent stranger in a dark alley, but as the congenial friend of a friend you meet at a party who you've maybe been texting for a while. The normal narrative has changed from "a violent criminal brutalized me, was arrested, and went to jail," to "my acquaintance who thrives in my community took advantage of me, and isn't going to face any repercussions."

Aziz's performative feminism is a perfect demonstration of why abused women stay silent. Despite endless resources online about what qualifies abusive behavior, men are still able to manipulate women with superficial charm. Men put on a show of sensitivity and empathy like Aziz, making the woman think they're somehow different. Women see how others in their circle (or the public) revere their abuser, and compare their abuser's sensitive character to the macho image of someone who regularly beats his wife. They say to themselves, "He's not that bad, he's sorry, he won't do it again."

However, while Aziz Ansari may represent the quintessential rapist, Aziz Ansari does not represent the quintessential rape.

We've begun to recognize narratives that aren't "force." We acknowledge "not having the capacity to consent." However, "coercion" is still a foreign concept or a gray area to many.

Coercion is real, and it is not consent. Grace verbally and physically expressed her discomfort with the situation. Aziz would stop but then initiate sexual contact moments later. No means no. "No" does not mean "Try again later." Women are not Magic-8 Balls. Using manipulative physical and verbal tactics to pressure someone into having sex after they've said "no" is not consent. Constantly badgering someone to have sex with you until they give in is not consent. Getting angry, upset, or making them feel guilty so they say yes is not consent. No means no. No is not a challenge.

Coercion in case of sexual assault adds another dimension of self-doubt, too. Grace recalls needing validation about the experience, saying, "It wasn't really rape, it could have been worst."

People have come to Ansari's defense with similar arguments, but read the article for yourself. It's both graphic, disturbing, and there is no grey area. This goes beyond him "not being a mind reader," as some claim. Grace refuses him many times. He couldn't and wouldn't take no for answer. It was sexual assault.

However, many people see it as a normal hook-up, or just a bad one.

Men read about Aziz's behavior and see themselves in it. They think Aziz's persistence is normal. They regurgiate victim-blaming rhetoric, "It's her fault," and "That's just how men are."

Women too have come to Ansari's defense, seeing one of the many bad dates they've had in it. Even they are socialized to think of Aziz's behavior as normal. These women are faced with a difficult choice: acknowledge Aziz Ansari did nothing wrong, or acknowledge they've been assaulted, maybe more than once. At this time, female writers are coming forward with the fresh, painful realization they were assaulted in same way Grace was, only to be told met with more victim-blaming.

Grace recounts Aziz would be respectful, then try to initiate again sex moments later. Aziz had comedy routines and episodes of his show dedicated to respecting women. This is another gas-lighting tactic men use, "Oh, but he did respect me that time/He does respect women."

The quintessential rapist, like Aziz Ansari, does not only not have "the character of the a rapist," but he does not pay for his actions. Had this encounter between two average people (and it has), Aziz would have not faced the widespread humiliation he has. He would have gone on to live a normal life, with friends and even girlfriends none the wiser. This is the source of frustration and dark thoughts for many assault victims. While they suffer PTSD from their experience, the perpetuator lives a normal, well-adjusted life with a clean slate and a clean conscience, where they're free to perpetuate again. Grace decided to come forward after seeing Ansari accept a Golden Globe wearing a Time's Up pin.

This situation is a sobering, terrifying, but necessary reminder. Rape is socialized as typical male behavior among us. Coercive behavior is sexualized by music, tv, and our male peers. Because of this, there are many dating adults who do not understand consent is only valid in the absence of coercion. People believe "No" is a challenge. Victims struggle every day for reconciliation, while rapists go unpunished. The okay-looking guy on Facebook with "Male Feminist" in his description could be a rapist, and nobody is going to write an highly-publicized op-ed exposing him.

This is how violence against women continues to thrive.

#TimesUp #MeToo

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

17850
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

946542
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

123176
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments