Sometimes I worry that I've grown out of my awkward phase. But then someone says "hi" to me and I accidentally respond in short bursts of heavy breathing instead of a normal human reaction, and I realize it's still very much established.
Seriously, I don't know if it was because I talked to myself too much as a kid or if it's my lack of wanting to leave my bed and Netflix now, but I am THE most socially awkward person. It's a serious problem. And as I get older, I think it's getting worse.
Here are a few situations that happen on the reg that remind me I will never be "one of the cool kids".
1. Meeting someone for the first time.
Do I shake their hand? Are my hands too cold? Did I grip too tight? Do I ask personal questions? Do I walk away now? Do we need to be best friends? How cool do I need to act around you? Are you better than me? Do you already hate me? I hate me.
2. Small talk.
The equivalent of texting "Hey".
I really don't care what you did this weekend or how your children are Patrice. Tell me something interesting about the weird lady at the front desk or what your husband does that annoys you. I want juice!
3. Talking in general
Words. Can't. Me. Ya feel?
4. Trying to dance.
Just because I can't dance doesn't mean I won't. Body roll anyone?
5. Trying to flirt
Hey boys...*finger guns*
6. Hugging
It's a bigger, scarier, more terrible form of a handshake. Do I go over or under? Am I squeezing too tight? Not enough? Did I release too soon? Are my hands placed in a weird position?
Let's just high-five.
7. Taking pictures
I don't know where to put my hands. Or how to arrange my face. Sorry mom.
8. Talking about dirty things.
One word to not describe me is 'sexy'.
9. Confrontation
Why talk about your feelings when you can shove them deep deep down inside?
10. Going to parties
Small talk, meeting people, the epitome of every awkward persons nightmare. I'm the WORST at parties. Give me Netflix or give me death.
I guess I missed the day in school when we learned how to interact normally with other humans. I really don't know how people do it but I hope someday I'll either learn to be a fully functioning human being or I just learn to embrace my awkwardness completely.
women in street dancing
Photo by 
man and woman standing in front of louver door
Photo by 
man in black t-shirt holding coca cola bottle
Photo by 
red and white coca cola signage
Photo by 
man holding luggage photo
Photo by 
topless boy in blue denim jeans riding red bicycle during daytime
Photo by 
trust spelled with wooden letter blocks on a table
Photo by 
Everyone is Welcome signage
Photo by 
man with cap and background with red and pink wall l
Photo by 
difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations desk decor
Photo by 
photography of woman pointing her finger near an man
Photo by 
closeup photography of woman smiling
Photo by 
a man doing a trick on a skateboard
Photo by 
two men 
running man on bridge
Photo by 
orange white and black bag
Photo by 
girl sitting on gray rocks
Photo by 
assorted-color painted wall with painting materials
Photo by 
three women sitting on brown wooden bench
Photo by 
Photo by 
Photo by 
Photo by 
Photo by 
people sitting on chair in front of computer
all stars lol GIF by Lifetime
two women talking while looking at laptop computerPhoto by 
shallow focus photography of two boys doing wacky facesPhoto by 
happy birthday balloons with happy birthday textPhoto by 
itty-bitty living space." | The Genie shows Aladdin how… | Flickr
shallow focus photography of dog and catPhoto by 
yellow Volkswagen van on roadPhoto by 
orange i have a crush on you neon light signagePhoto by 
5 Tattoos Artist That Will Make You Want A Tattoo
woman biting pencil while sitting on chair in front of computer during daytimePhoto by 
a scrabbled wooden block spelling the word prizePhoto by 
StableDiffusion
StableDiffusion
StableDiffusion
