I have been in numerous conversations about what I am like around people I find attractive. As I was lost for what I should write this week, our team's GroupMe conversation sparked an idea. Why not write about something so many people can relate to? So, here it goes.
For as long as I can remember I have been incredibly awkward around people I find attractive. It's terrible. Really, it is. I could be in a conversation with a friend of mine, and a cute guy could walk in and my arms do weird things. I don't know how it happens.
I don't know why it happens, but it does. It's horrifying.
If I am around a guy who I am interested in, I probably won't know how to talk. I will say things I wouldn't usually say. I know for a fact I'm beet red and my already overactive sweat glands are even more active now.
Let me tell you a story. I was still in high school at the time and a crush on a guy in my class. Anytime he talked me I was flustered. We could be talking about napkins in the cafeteria, and I wouldn't know what to do with my arms or legs. I would try to make eye contact with him, but I was so smitten I didn't have any clue how to be "normal."
Anyways, I think I have always been like this, but maybe not. If I haven't I want to know why it started in high school instead of ended in high school. I'm not kidding. I become so awkward because I am so attracted to these guys who make me laugh and smile all the time, I simply don't know what to do. My friends have tried to help me, but I remain the same. I am still the good 'ole squat and throw peace signs up when a cute boy talks to me. I'm kidding I don't do that. I have taught myself that's not what people do.
I would also love to tell you about the time I almost went into the boys' bathroom at school because a cute boy was nearby. It was freshman year in high school. I was at my friend's locker and she asked me if I could throw something away for her. I said yes. I turned around to look for a trashcan. I saw one out of the corner of my eye in the boys' bathroom. Keep in mind, it was about 7 a.m. at this time. Without thinking about it, I start to walk. I see this cute guy and I walk faster to avoid an uncomfortable run-in. I hear my friends shout: "Emily, NO, that's the boys' bathroom." Of course, I sprint away. He saw me later on and brought it up. I couldn't look at him because I was so embarrassed.
There are so many stories I could tell you, but I don't want to embarrass myself too much because I already do that enough. I'm definitely not the person who is great at expressing feelings in the right away in the moment. I don't mean to avoid it, I am simply not good at it. To sum it up, I guess I could say it's okay to be awkward around people you find attractive. It's okay to be flustered and not know what to do. At one point, you'll have to decide if you want them to know or not. If not, that's okay. If you do, I'm rooting for you!
One more thing, I have this recurring nightmare I'm going to embarrass myself at my wedding that doesn't exist. If that doesn't tell you something, then I'm positive you are never awkward or weird around people you find attractive. Let's remember, we're all in this together! Whether we are awkward or not, let's support each other and root people on! Now go be uncomfortable around people you think are cute!