I started a new job recently, and this new job requires me to wake up early and join the morning commute. I've been slowly observing my surroundings, watching the other drivers and their patterns closely, and I've reached a conclusion: y'all can't drive. Like, you're terrible at it, truly horrible. I've lived in many places and driven in many others. I don't know how it is on the West Coast, but I'm incredibly comfortable in saying that on the East Coast, you suck at driving. Your driving is road rage inducing. Every morning, I say a quick prayer and hope that I don't kill anyone due to atrocious driving. Your driving skills are so bad that it has inspired this post. So, here we are. Let's talk.

I'll be the first to say that I'm a slightly aggressive driver. Oh, I still keep my hands at 10-and-2, and I use my blinkers regularly. I don't follow others too closely, but I'm pretty comfortable weaving in and out of traffic, and I have a bit of a lead foot. I freak out my aunt on a fairly regular basis, but that's okay. I still have complete control of the car. These traits of mine may be good or bad, but I acknowledge that I have them, and I work around them. I don't think most other drivers do this. I say this because every morning I depart my home, listening to the local radio station for the traffic report, which determines the route I take to get to work. Every single morning, there is an accident of some kind. This is a fact of life, I suppose. There's always going to be idiots behind the wheel of a car. I could accept this fact of life. What I cannot accept is how that accident has anything to do with you.

Oh yes, gentle readers, I'm talking about rubbernecking. In case you don't know what rubbernecking is, let me explain. You're driving in a car, and you see something going on ahead of you. Whatever is going on has absolutely nothing to do with you or your car. Instead of continuing to drive, you will slow down and turn your head and neck to get a glimpse of the event ahead. Hence the term "rubbernecking." You'll turn your heads so far backward, it looks like you have a rubber neck. It doesn't matter that you slow down all the other traffic behind you, no! You have to see what's going on, whatever that may be. It could be an accident, a police car pulling someone over, or even road work. Whatever it is, you'll look, and I hate that I know that you'll do this.

I live in a city that has a very major interstate going through it, so I see license plates from all over the country. It doesn't seem to matter where people are from, they all give in to rubbernecking. I'm going to need you to stop this nonsense. The same thing happens every morning I hop on the highway. I'm driving. It's going well. I'm enjoying the wind circulation (I like having the window down), and then there's a slow up. Okay, fine. The slow up continues for several miles and then clears up. What was the cause of the slow up? Drivers rubbernecking, usually observing the remains of an accident. Here's my main problem. The accident isn't on the road. It's already been cleaned up, pushed off to the side of the road. The police cruiser doesn't even have the lights on. Yet, people still slow down to be nosy. Why? Why do you do this? What is the purpose of this? Don't you have something to do, somewhere to go? You do, right? So, mind your business and drive on! Don't stop unless you have to, and since you're not in the accident, guess what? You don't have to. So, stop it and keep it moving.

There are other things that get under my skin, like not using your blinkers to signal when you're going to make a turn. It's the courteous thing to do, you realize. Giving other drivers all the information you can helps them make smart decisions. For example, if I know that you're about to turn, I'll slow down too. You won't force me to slam on my brakes due to your sudden stopping. Just use that left hand and go "click-click" on that little black bar sticking out of your steering column. That's it. You don't even need to move it back into its original position, you lazy bums. As you turn the wheel, it does it for you. I'm just saying. I really want to help you out here.

What's next? Oh, yes, driving slow in the left lane. This is a quick way to get me from nice and calm to pulling-my-hair-out angry. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to drive a little fast. Due to this, I tend to exist mostly in the left lane. But, if you're in front of me, and you're not even going at the speed limit, I'm going to yell and scream until you move or I'm able to move from behind you. The left lane is the fast lane, people. Unless you're going fast, stay out. If you're a law-abiding type, if you go slow in the fast lane, and it impedes other drivers, a police officer can give you a ticket for obstructing the flow of traffic. Oh yeah, that's a thing. Slowpokes, stay out of the left lane, please.

My last pet peeve? Not turning right at a red light. Please note, only the people of New York City are really guilty of this, but it happens frequently enough in my city that it vexes me to no end. In NYC, if you make a right turn on a red light, you're running over some people. So, no right turns on red anywhere. However, in the rest of the civilized country, that rule isn't as widespread as it is in The Big Apple. Therefore, I can always tell when I'm behind a former New Yorker because they refuse to turn right at that red light. There will be nothing there, and they won't turn, no matter how much I attempt to get them to turn with my indomitable will. It's sad and stupid. You aren't in NYC anymore. Please turn.

Even as I type these out, I can feel my blood pressure rising, so I better end this post while I'm still in a good mood. But, what about you, readers? Do you have any driving faux pas that unnerve you? Let me know in the comments below!