It’s early fall, which means the beginning of audition season for theatre majors and minors. While I know there are people who walk in and out of these experiences with total confidence, or at very least – carefree and at ease, and I envy them, I am certainly not one of them.

If you’re anything like me, and auditioning is a love-hate relationship full of stress you’re trying to learn to love, you might appreciate this compilation of 11 full-blown anxiety thoughts that go through one's head during an audition (or even more so: stage callbacks!)

1. ALL THE PEOPLE.

Why are there so many people? Is it good or bad? Does that mean no one will remember if I’m terrible? Does that mean the competition is worse because there’s a lot or better because at least someone has to make worse choices than me. Should I even be thinking about competition? Aren’t I here for the art?

2. WHAT IF.

What if I forget all my lines? What if I fall? What if I shift my feet around too much? What if I’m not loud enough? What if I’m too loud? What if I’m atrocious? What if I’m pathetically forgettable? What if I get it and I’m totally unprepared to do it? What if I make eye contact too long? What if I can’t focus on the scene because I’m messing up too badly? What if someone mean is cast and that laugh at my epic failure for all of time? What if AN ALIEN CRASHES THROUGH THE CEILING AND I RECEIVE A DIRECT HIT FROM SHUTTLE DEBRIS AND CAN’T GO ON?

3. WHAT AM I WEARING?

Some people are in costumes – wigs, costumes, full garb, or subtle character stuff. Some people are not, or are too subtle to notice. What the hell should I be wearing? Why did I pick this shirt? Everyone knows no character in this project would wear this! But what if I dress in costume and it looks like I’m relying on that because I can’t act? What if- oh wait. We’ve been through those.

4. WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING? IS THAT PERSON LOOKING AT ME?

If this goes horribly wrong with people forge I was even there or remember I was horrible forever? Is it hilarious to everyone else I’m even here? Is there a secret actor society that's totally filled in on this whole thing? Is there a newsletter for said society I can get on? (Is it an illuminati thing? Can I at least see my parents one more time to say goodbye before induction? Goodbye world!)

5. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

They warned me! They all warned me!

6. WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?

Ah, nerves. Eating me alive like always. Hello Darkness, my old friend.

7. OH MY GOD I’M NEXT

Ring the panic bell, there’s nowhere to go. Panic and then – sweet relief: numbness. You’re dead inside.

8. Resignation, a.k.a. I CAN’T JUST LEAVE.

Deer in the headlightS it is. I can’t run. I’m going to be next sooner or later. I made my bed, I’m waiting in line, now I have to lie in it.

9. Delusions, a.k.a. WHAT WAS THAT?

See also: I’M HORRIBLE. (No, you’re not.) I’M AMAZING. (No, you’re not.)

10. The aftermath, a.k.a. THAT WAS FINE!

No, HORRIBLE! No, GREAT! No, my life is OVER! No, I’m on the road to success! No, I’m digging my own grave RIGHT. NOW.

11. Moving on pep talk, a.k.a. THAT WASN'T ALL BAD.

IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD. BYE FELICIA

Then, it's time to sign up for the next audition and subtly blocking what happened from my memory forever. Put it out of my head? Check. I’ve got work to do. Time to do it alllllll over again.