I am the type of person who hates the thought of asking for help. If I am struggling with classwork, the thought of reaching out to my professor sends a wave of anxiety over me. If I need help carrying something, I will literally break my back before I ask someone to help me. If I catch myself venting to one of my friends, I immediately apologize for inconveniencing them. Literally, if I was broken down on the side of the road out of gas, I would rather die than call my boyfriend for assistance.

Now, I know at first glance, one might assume I am surrounded by people that make me feel bad about asking for help, but seriously, it's all in my head. I know it's all in my head. I know my professors, who know me by name and see the effort I make each and every day, would be more than willing to take extra time with me. I know with 100 percent certainty that if I was out of gas, my boyfriend would drop whatever he was doing to rescue me. I know my friends are willing to listen any time I need them. So, why do I feel like I can't ask for help?

I spend my life constantly trying to make everyone around me feel special, wanted, and loved but I can't accept when they return the favor. I apologize, they tell me not to. I feel guilty for taking up their time, so I go off the grid, only to reemerge when I feel like I've been neglecting them. It's a wild ride living inside my brain. I'm constantly questioning my friends' tone, their wording, and even the way they look at me. Though they are always encouraging me to open up to them, I feel like I am inconveniencing them if I do.

I am a pretty outgoing person, but this is something I have always struggled with. I continue daily to struggle with leaning on others, but by surrounding myself with people who love me, I'm learning to open up, even if it is just a little bit. I've built a family out of my friends, and I'm learning to cure this self-imposed stress.