What Does It Mean When I Have To Double-Text A Guy

I Started Dating A Guy Before Quarantine, But Now We Rarely Speak Unless I Double-Text

"He's really nice and cute and I like being around him when we see each other, but he's awful at communication."


Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Dear Swoonie B,

I met this guy on Hinge in February. We have been talking since then and went on our first date around a week before quarantine started in my state. He's really nice and cute and I like being around him when we see each other, but he's awful at communication (i.e. he often does not respond to my texts and I have to double-text, which I hate doing). Recently, he found out his dad was in the hospital, which made him simultaneously text me more and less (like we text less often, but the conversations are more meaningful). I thought he would potentially ghost me because the situation is really weird and since we are not technically boyfriend-girlfriend, I didn't really know how invested in this relationship he was. I am feeling conflicted about whether I would be OK being ghosted because on the one hand, I like him, but on the other hand, the communication thing seriously makes me annoyed. Also, it's been kind of hard on me to hear about his dad's health because my dad died three years ago and it's bringing up some old feelings that may not be completely resolved. I know there's a lot of stuff going on in this story, but I don't really know what to do. I like this guy a lot, but I'm not sure if this is going to work out and I'm scared to talk to him about it because he's already really stressed out. I just need advice on what I should do.

A common trend in all of the advice I've given in the last few weeks really starts with tapping into your thoughts and feelings and communicating them. Because it is a really really hard time for everyone right now, which makes accepting and addressing your feelings and emotions so important.

When it comes to this situation, start by asking yourself these questions...

Why am I interested in him?

Are you interested in him because he's giving you something to do while bored in quarantine? Or do you genuinely think things could work out once things go back to "normal"? No matter what the reason, your feelings are valid, but having this answer will make the rest of this process easier. Then ask yourself...

Would I still be talking to him if I wasn't worried about wanting to add stress by ending it?

Whether or not you continue talking to him is completely your choice... so if the only reason you are doing so is that you're worried about adding more stress for him, it might be time to gradually slow communication. Especially since it sounds like he's not really showing much effort on his end.

Are my thoughts and feelings about him usually positive or negative?

Even in the short submission you sent to me, it's clear you go back and forth about how you feel about talking to him. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. I encourage you to think about whether your feelings about him are normally positive or whether they're overwhelmingly negative. If they're normally negative, this texting relationship you developed might be worth letting go. If it's normally positive, fantastic!

Once you've identified the answers to these Qs, it's time to decide whether that means you want to continue talking to him or not.

If the answer is you do want to talk to him, fab! But my tips in this scenario would be to set some expectations. You mentioned how you double-text because he's "awful at communication," but I honestly don't buy that excuse and because he knows you'll double-text him if he doesn't respond, he's going to keep waiting for you to do the work for him.

Let him work for it a little. His lack of response to your texts is a red flag to me because he isn't putting in the same effort as you are. No, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you, but it does mean you deserve more.

So you can do two things here if you decide you want to continue talking:

  1. Stop double-texting him and wait for him come to you. If he doesn't, boy bye!
  2. Call him out on it by telling him that you enjoy talking to him, but don't want to continue doing so if he's not willing to put in the time to communicate. Then tell him what you expect from him and if he can't fulfill it, it's not your loss! You spoke your truth and will find someone who can meet those expectations.

If the answer is you do not want to continue talking to him, that's great too! But, that doesn't mean you should ghost him. And it also doesn't mean, in my opinion, that you have to flat out say "I don't want to talk anymore." I say this because of his poor communication skills anyway.

Should you stop reaching out to him first, you'll likely talk to him a whole lot less (if at all), and when/if he does text you, you have full control over how much or how little you give to the conversation. Over time, if you don't put much into it, the communication will fizzle out. If you're just not interested in talking to him at all, then yes, I would recommend telling him you don't want to talk anymore because, as I said, ghosting is the only other option and I will never condone that.

So, to summarize what I think are your best options here if you don't want him in your life anymore:

  1. Stop texting him first and gradually let it fizzle out
  2. Tell him straight up how you are feeling and move on (he will do the same)
In the end, it will all work out! And remember, if you decide to go with scenario one and continue talking to him, that doesn't mean it's a permanent decision — you can always change your mind if you don't feel you are getting the attention you deserve.

No matter what you decide, you should treat yourself. Consider buying this clay face mask or a journal to write it all out.

As an Amazon Affiliate partner, Odyssey may earn a portion of qualifying sales.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.


My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments