We have all heard crazy breakup stories. There’s that guy who left a Post-It note on his way out the morning after or that girl who broke up with her boyfriend of two years via Facebook.There are also sad breakups, like the couple who was forced to end things because of a long distance move. There are also long awaited breakups, like the couple whose sparks went out months ago. Whatever the case, no one likes breakups.Formal dating is not as prevalent in college today as it was 10 or 20 years ago. Everyone seems to be just “kind of talking” or “seeing other people.” In situations like these, are we still required to break up with each other?

No matter what sort of relationship two people have, knowing when it’s over is always preferable to living in confusion about where you stand. An obvious end allows each person closure, understanding and the ability to move on instead of hanging around in hopes that they’re just misreading the signals. However, we seem to believe that if we’re not in a formal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship then we don’t have to endure the formal breakup. We just move on.

Technicalities allow for room to work around the breakup. While it may not be a requirement to break up with the girl or guy you’re just talking to, it is the right thing to do. Extended interactions at a level beyond friendship earn someone enough respect to be told when it’s over. Otherwise, they’re left confused about what’s really going on and get strung on for days or  weeks.

As much as we like to deny reality, just kind of talking or seeing other people is dating. It may be a modern form, but it is what it is. Sometimes these less formal relationships even have embedded rules of exclusivity and include special occasions such as dinner dates.  If we want to get really technical about it, the same rules should apply to breaking up with someone you’re just seeing as they do to someone you’re in a formal relationship with.

If we don’t abide by these social standards, there’s no real way to know when you have been silently dumped. This leads to over thinking things, replaying the last time you physically saw the person or searching elsewhere for a clue about where you stand now. It can drive a person mad.

Those who are dumped in this fashion are left with two options: let it go or ask the question that’s been on your mind. Having to ask someone whether or not it’s over may feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it’s the only way to get an answer.

In today’s world, we avoid interacting in messy situations. Informally dating someone is one way to rid ourselves of these pains. Facebook, texting and email only make it easier to avoid direct conversations and hide from the reality of how we affect other people. When one does find the need to breakup, it’s often through social media outlets – but that’s not good enough. It’s not enough to simply avoid the matter and it’s not enough to text someone those vague words: “It’s over.” We owe it to each other to sit down and have a conversation. We owe it to each other to explain what went wrong and why we find ourselves at an endpoint. While it may seem okay when you’re the one pressing the send button or ignoring the matter, it’s going to feel a whole lot different when you’re on the other side of the fence searching for an explanation.
Photo courtesy of Satish Krishnamurthyhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/unlistedsightings/