Okay, so I may be perpetually single until I'm 85, but that doesn't mean I can't spread my single-ness wisdom to those who love having their heart broken. Really, I don't get it. Being single, especially when you're young, is fantastic. No awkward, sweaty hand holding or trying to impress anyone with makeup and dresses.
So, if you are recently single, or just sad that you can't get a boy to talk to your crusty face, here are a few reasons why we're really in the position of power.
1. Eat as many chicken nuggets as you want.
GiphySeriously, you can eat as much of anything as you want to. It's not like I'd let a man stop me from doing that anyway but still, more for me.
2. Take up all the room in bed.
Giphy3. Hygiene comes in second, or third.
GiphyBecause who cares if you haven't showered in 3 days when no one's close enough to smell you?
4. Be as annoying as you want to.
Giphy7. Take yourself on a date.
Giphy8. Just cry, like all the time.
GiphyNo one's gonna question it or ask you what's wrong. You can just let those wet dewdrops stain your pale face while you shovel ice cream in your face and watch reruns of 'Glee'.
9. Watch whatever you want on Netflix.
Giphy10. You never have to share your fries.
GiphyAgain, not like I would share even if I was with a man. Neva gonna happen.
12. Wallow in self-pity.
GiphyBe sure to use most of your time to let everyone know that you are single and you'll be alone forever and that there's nothing anyone can do because life is pointless without love.
The most important thing to take away from this is that you can do whatever you want. This is America. You're single. Live your life.