Possibly one of the most anxiety-ridden experiences, at least for me, is applying to college, applying for a transfer, applying for a scholarship, and the list goes on. (I probably won't if I must fill out another application.) I am considering transferring to another university more suited for the career that I want, and here are some of the thoughts that run through my head.
It’s a mystery to me why the process takes such a toll on my mental state, but I have heard these insane theories (mostly from my mother) that I have a habit of procrastinating until the last minute leaving me unable to complete an application to the best of my abilities. Maybe time management is my issue.
However, it’s not that I’m not doing any work up until three days before a deadline. It’s the fact that I’m extremely critical of the work that I do at the beginning of the application process. I want everything to come out like Shakespeare, literary and clever not rhymey and confusing, but because I can’t seem to get through a sentence without picking apart every letter that goes into a word, I never get any work done. Another point of strife is my uncanny ability to distract myself with tasks that have nothing to do with what I am working on (procrastination). I’m sure the rest of the world is suffering from the procrastination plague, but it always seems so much more detrimental to me. Then again, everything does because melodrama is a part of the package, but aside from the analysis of my psychotic ways, I still function in some manner that can be compared to a neurotic coach potato.
So, what should I attempt to do to fix my addiction to perfection? My answer is I have no clue, and just as a side note that is not a rhetorical question, I’m actually inquiring. I could lower my standards that I hold for myself, but I fear I will learn to accept mediocre work; I could work on things in pieces, but that doesn’t fix my issue with perfection; I could get advice from an academic adviser, but I waited to late and now I’m on Winter Break. Winter Break, the bane of my existence because it's the no man's land of anything productive.
All roads seem to lead to me giving up, but for some reason that feels like a grand betrayal on my part. Not to mention, that I’m basically going to be filling out applications for the rest of my life. I just hope that I will find a way to fill one out without the anxiety, procrastination, and imminent melt down. Hopefully all of my self-inflicted trauma will payoff in the end.