Dear Ex Best Friends,

This fall, college will be very different from the last because of this reason: we're not friends anymore. We're now on opposite sides of campus instead of in the same dorm hall, and we will live our lives as if we haven't met. What's left is these memories of all of us together, and little things I know about each and every one of you, like what your favorite color is, your families, the type of music you listen to. I thought the friends I would make at the start of freshman year would last until senior year and beyond. However, this is not the case.

All four of us were inseparable in the beginning. We did everything together. We went to football games, ate at the cafeteria, walked to classes, and studied as a group. Little did I know how much would change within a few months. I didn't know how bad it would get. You can't change the past, but I'm writing to say that I'm sorry if I ever offended any of you. I tried to be the best friend that you could have.

I was there for you when you were sad, or needed a laugh. I kept all your secrets; to this day my lips are sealed. I provided trust and was a safety net. I poured my heart out to you all, but it wasn't enough. We're all human; we're not perfect. I know I made mistakes in our friendship, but I instantly made up for it. I apologized until I was blue in the face. It made me devastated that I didn't seem worthy or seemed that I made poor choices. All I had were good intentions -- maybe something was taken out of context. If so, that wasn't what was originally intended.

Where did we go wrong? I don't know. When my academic journey took a turn in the right direction, we weren't in the same classes anymore. Our schedules were opposite, so we stopped hanging around each other. I made new friends when I joined my sorority. All of the sudden, everything about you all was different. The little amounts that we were together didn't bring the enjoyment that I used to feel. There was an emptiness that I couldn't put a finger on. I did my best to save what was left of our crumbling friendship, but maybe we all weren't meant to stay friends forever.

In the end, we didn't see eye to eye. The people that I would've jumped across an entire ocean for wouldn't walk over a puddle for me. Awful words and accusations were thrown like bombs. We stopped being happy for each other. It became a war zone. What good came out of it? Nothing. Our fate was destruction. In these hard times, I'm sorry if I crushed you. I didn't mean any of it. It was all out of frustration because I felt like I opened up and got kicked in the face. You were everything to me, but you tossed me aside. You all had different ideas of who I should be and a huge misunderstanding or who I am. I still think about it every now and then and think, Why was it such a falling out?

What I'm not sorry about is the fact that I don't have to justify who I am, and who I am becoming. I changed over the course of freshman year for the better. I matured, and became more social and selfless. I tried to be less hard on myself. I stayed true to myself, and I'm continuing to grow and change. I'm more open-minded and willing to try new things, as well as go on adventures. If that's hard for you to accept, it is what it is. We all transform. No one's the same his or her entire life.

What I want you all to know is that I only hope the best for you. Also, I will always be there if any of you ever need me even though we aren't as close as we used to be. I didn't think our group would've fallen apart as quickly as it did. Unfortunately, that's what occurred. We cannot undo what's been done. I could go on for hours and apologize for every little thing I've done, but it's not worth it. I wasn't enough for you guys. You wanted me to be someone that I wasn't. Your expectations were astronomical, and the relationships felt toxic. I felt like I was trapped in a cage and I wouldn't be released. That's not true friendship. Our friendship is only a story now. It's fossilized-- a hazy memory.

Like I said before, I was the best friend that I could be. I hope that you all find peace and happiness in your lives. I don't regret our friend group, but it taught me a big lesson: surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, and want you in their presence. After all this thinking, will we go back to how it used to be? Will we be friends in the future? No -- I couldn't put myself through that emotional pain again. I wouldn't be happy. If we ever cross paths, I am willing to forgive, but I will never forget.

Once again, I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Your Old Best Friend