An Apology To The One
Relationships

An Apology To The One

I am so sorry.

23
Ryan Kuna

Judging by the title, I am assuming you are not 'the one' I am talking about. Unless you are my boyfriend in which case, yes you are. This article is not written for views, controversy, or shares. It is written for one person only.

I don't always voice my opinions in the best way. Let me rephrase, I absolutely do voice my opinions; just, lately, not in the kindest way possible. I have always had very strong opinions and was a leader in many aspects of my life. I was able to say what I thought mindfully.

But recently, if any of you had read my first published article, it was about how my boyfriend and I were hit by a drunk driver. My boyfriend walked away from the accident with nothing but a scar on his elbow. I, on the other hand, got most of the impact and still, many months later, am in the doctor's office constantly with no concrete answers or treatment plans. Now don't get me wrong I am glad it was myself and not him. I would not wish that upon anyone, especially someone that I love. However, he was able to continue his research over the summer whilst I had to decline my internship. He was able to have a life. And over the months I had built up a lot of subconscious anger towards him. I couldn't (and still can't really) understand why I got most of the impact and he was able to walk away. And I still can't quite grasp why I have this anger. I know consciously that I would be heartbroken if the situation was reversed and he was in this much pain, but I can't help feel jealousy that he didn't have to drop classes, was able to take summer classes, and work in a physics lab over the summer. As well as do college student normalities like be able to walk to class without his leg giving out.

As I know that I have these feelings, I did not try to acknowledge them, as they are conflicting. But I realize that I have been acknowledging them by taking it out on the one I love. For months he was helping me walk, accompanying me to doctor's appointments and even helping me bathe. But I have been treating him poorly due to my subconscious anger. This only came to light when he broke up with me a few days ago. Thankfully, he accepted my initial apology and we are as good as new. But I can't help but feel that he deserves more. A bigger apology. So here it is.

I won't say your name mostly because I am not sure you will be comfortable with it. But thank you for the last four months. Helping me recover and heal. And thank you even more for the past two years. I couldn't have gotten through the first half of college without you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for how I have spoken to you lately. You deserve better. And I am working on giving you a better version of myself. You are the one, and I won't lose you. I love you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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