I know you don’t understand.
I watched as you alarmingly saw me roll my luggage into the living room. Your ears were held erect with surprise as I struggled to push my summer clothes into a suitcase. You saw me walk out the front door, glancing back at you to offer a sad smile before disappearing into early sunrise. I know you waited for my return. You sat by the front door, your paws itching to greet me with loving jumps and twirls. You whined, days passing and nights rolling over without my smell or the sound of my voice. You finally realized that I had gone away again.
You are such an intelligent dog. I am aware that you know how to sit on command, you know the words “treat,” “dinner,” or anything relating to food, and you excitedly run to the backdoor whenever I say the word “walk.” You know when it’s time for bed and when a squirrel is on the fence, and you’re always the first to know when it’s going to rain. However, it is impossible for you to know that I am away at college in order for me to have a career one day. I remember giving you a final hug before I left, but you didn’t know that would probably be the last embrace until Thanksgiving.
I am so sorry that you don’t understand.
I think it’s a little unfair that there’s an entire world that you are completely unaware of. How could you possibly fathom thousands of students sitting in class all day, studying information, and receiving grades on exams, while the wildest part of your day includes barking at the mailman? How is it that I get to drive in my car or cheer for my football team while you lounge in the grass and stare at the sky? You are so deserving of having a more fulfilling life that includes more than dozing and yelping and receiving belly rubs.
But please, don’t think you’re the only one who’s suffering. I lay in bed at night, missing those huge brown eyes looking back at me. I miss you sitting right next to my feet while I’m eating dinner, or how you uncontrollably shake your butt when you’re walking through the neighborhood. I miss having my best friend to lick me on the cheek when I’m sad and the look on your face when I sneak and give you a cube of Colby Jack cheese. I’m sorry that you have to sit at home alone for most of the day and that I can’t be there to scratch the small of your back and that spot behind your ears. I wish I could tell you exactly where I am and why I’m not with you, and I hate myself for knowing that you think I have abandoned you.
Gus, I’m sorry for not being there. My big brown pup, if I could take you with me to college, I definitely would. In a few years, when I’m rich and successful with a college degree, I’ll buy you a million Milkbones and even more cubes of cheese. I miss you more and more every day, sweet baby boy.
Much love,
Macy