I was diagnosed with general anxiety my senior year of high school, though I have the suspicion that my issue predates the diagnosis by at least a year. Even after two years of therapy and working on coping mechanisms on my own, there are still occasions under high stress under which I slip up. I find myself sinking into the quicksand that is my anxiety and the negative thoughts that come with it.
In the moment, these thoughts can be incredibly overwhelming, even if the logical part of me knows that the accusations my anxiety is making are false. I know I have friends. I know people care about me. I know that I will do well in my classes. I know, I know, I know. I know all of these things, but the voices of my anxiety are often louder than the voices of reason.
I have no doubt in my mind that this is a reality for so many people with anxiety disorders, and that terrifies me just as much as it breaks my heart.
What terrifies me, however, goes beyond the impact that the brain has on itself because of this disorder: it leaks into the reactions of people around them, and how these responses can impact the psyches of people that are already hurting from what their own brains do to them.
There is nothing more hurtful to someone than being invalidated when they reach out for help, and I know from personal experience. We reach out to people close to us, people that we trust, for validation in order to quiet the voices screaming insults echoing through our brains.
We know that we have friends. We know that people care about us. We know that we will do well. We come to you because we need reassurance that all of it isn’t in our heads. The anxiety makes us question everything we truly know, and we’re reaching out to you because your voice speaks louder than the whispers of our voices of reason.
We know that it’s frustrating to be questioned so often. We know that you’re going to get ignored with repeating yourself. We know, we know, we know. We get shy having to ask you again because we’re afraid of your reaction. What if you get tired of us? What if you finally tell us the truth, the words that our anxiety have been screaming at us so loud we can hardly focus on the actual world around us?
Telling us to cut it out not only invalidates our feelings and needs, but it encourages that anxiety. It gives the enemy living inside of us an argument for its case and raises its voice. It makes the anxiety even harder to cope with, and we won’t forget your words anytime soon, because anxiety doesn’t like to forget.
All I ask of you is to keep validating your anxious loved ones, even if you’re beyond tired of answering the same question. We are tired of asking it, but we do if only because it quiets that voice and makes the anxiety that follows us every day easier to cope with. Be kind. Show love. Remind us why we trust you enough to ask these questions. If you don’t, we'll never stop questioning what we did to deserve the invalidation. We love you so fiercely that it hurts. Please be courteous of us and show us that same kind of love and respect. Our internal enemies don’t need any more ammunition to use against us.