Anxiety. Anxiety for me is more than just the seven letter word that gets tossed around so nonchalantly. Anxiety for me is clammy hands, tunnel vision, and a racing heart that I can’t get to slow down no matter how many different breathing exercises I try; it makes me sit down, so I don’t pass out, and makes me feel like the stomach flu just hit. Anxiety for me is not just anxiousness; it’s not just worry. Anxiety for me is anxiousness, worry, fear, and every other possible emotion all at once and for no reason at all.
Anxiety for me is the feeling of needing to escape when there’s nothing to escape from. It’s the feeling you get when you walk down a dark alley way, anxious and fearful of what could be in the dark; that feeling of needing to run. But, anxiety for me means that the dark alley never ends, I can’t escape it, and that feeling of needing to run away never leaves even when it’s light out. It’s the feeling of needing to run and hide or curl up in a ball at 3pm for no reason at all.
Anxiety for me is not knowing what’s causing this disgusting feeling in my stomach that makes me need to curl up in bed in the middle of the day. It’s being almost done with the assignment when that feeling hits; when a minute ago, I was so productive, and now I’m lying in bed because I can’t focus on anything besides this feeling.
Anxiety for me isn’t just something that hits before I have a job interview. It doesn’t discriminate, and it’s not picky. Anxiety for me hits hard on the way to class, or the middle of the day. It hits me when I’m with friends having the best time of my life, or if I’m really unlucky, I wake up with it. It comes with no warnings signs, and no triggers at all. Anxiety for me has no rhyme or reason for showing up, no valid excuse to bug me. More times than not, I have no idea why this stupid feeling is consuming me; yet, I sit and think about it all day.
Anxiety for me isn’t just the nervous feeling in your stomach, or anxiousness before a big test. Anxiety for me sucks; it’s draining, and it’s exhausting. Anxiety for me isn’t that cliché word everyone uses now a days. Anxiety for me is my reality.