I've written about my anxiety before, but I don't think I can ever get away from it. This past summer was full of learning about myself, dealing with family issues and coping with the fact that I only had 3 friends at home to hang out with. I (and my therapist) was extremely proud as I packed up and came back to school.
I'm taking a zen meditation class this semester, a treat to myself. I get to relax and just not care about anything for an hour and a half - a dream to most people. My homework every day is to "do something nice for myself," and I chose to mindfully eat breakfast. That kind of sounds really weird, but I love the morning time when everything is quiet and no one is bustling around me (also might be because I'm not a morning person until I get out in fresh air).
But...it is so easy to lose yourself in the motions of going to class, coming home, doing homework, studying, going out, cooking, etc. I don't keep up with my meditation on the weekend, which such a bad idea and I've recently realized how it affects my entire day.
When I'm home alone for a certain amount of time, my anxiety ramps up exponentially. I'm talking major anxiety attacks, then a steep decline into feeling depressed. There's something in me that needs an hour or two of solid connection with someone else in order for me to feel alright.
The worst thing about anxiety is that it's so hard to get away from. There's nothing that stops me from spiraling into some weird scenario, making up conversations in my head or regretting that subtweet I made the other day (you know who are, lol). All things that result in me with an increased heartbeat, shaky hands and sweat.
I'm still learning. I'm learning how to be me. I'm learning how to function without triple-checking if I'm in the right classroom (it's the third month of school, you'd think I'd know by now).
I can't stop my anxiety head-on, but I can be its friend. I can meditate, I can figure out what the real root of the problem is, I can stop putting myself in situations with people I know cause me the most anxiety.
But, I'm still learning.