There have been a lot of articles written about anxiety, specifically geared toward loved ones who may not understand what anxiety is but who gravely want to help. But I decided what was even more important than that was to write directly to the source, to the struggling individual, and give them some advice.
I found out I had anxiety in high school. While getting labeled did nothing to change my behavior, it was so relieving to know that there was a name for all the panic, stress and sadness I was feeling on a daily basis. Now, I could point to a more or less accurate set of symptoms to explain to loved ones why I acted the way I did. So wherever you are in your anxiety, I understand. I've been there. I know what it's like to constantly doubt yourself, secretly believe all your friends hate you, think back to cringey and embarrassing conversations from years ago, and have anxiety attacks.
You are not alone.
But what I think is often underrated in our current society is what role the individual plays in their own mental health. I'm not suggesting you try to handle all your anxiety on your own. I know I couldn't. But there are many steps you can take to help yourself out and prepare for when you have episodes or attacks that will help you and your loved ones. Think of it as your sick kit or your "go-bag" that has all the essentials to make sure your anxiety attack doesn't last as long and maybe is just a little less intense. Based on my own experiences, I've compiled a list of my own ways of being proactive in taking care of my mental health.
Don't be ashamed.
That is probably the hardest but most essential point of your mental health. We live in a society both of outrage culture, where every tiny instance of political incorrectness is condemned and destroyed, as well as those who label any expression of emotion as "snowflake culture." Neither of these is right. And while more and more people are speaking about their experiences, it is still highly stigmatized. I felt really nervous about writing this article due to reactions that may say I'm being dramatic or seeking attention, but I know the people who matter will love me even more. Remember, you're not looking for pity or attention: you're being proactive, you're giving explanations for your behavior and you're helping your loved ones to understand you more. And no one important to you should find anything wrong with that.
Know your triggers.
I don't presume to know anything about anxiety except what I have experienced in my own life. And what I have come to notice is that there is a pattern of situations that cause me to become my most anxious and often cause my anxiety attacks.
For me, fear of failing or getting bad grades in school, conflict with friends (or at least thinking they're mad at me), feelings of social isolation (unfounded or not), and recently, my experiences with grief, really trigger my anxiety attacks. So it's important that you find yours so you can prepare yourself for situations that may lead to big attacks. Write them down if you have to, and even that small action will just help you to know more about how to take care of yourself.
Figure out what self-care means to you.
When I'm really upset, I like to read a book, watch a movie on my list of "feel good movies," listen to music, take a hot bath, drink some tea, sometimes journal, but mostly to meditate. Clichéd, I know, but for me it's what works. What's hard to realize is that your anxiety doesn't wait for the real world: I've had experiences when I'm trying to study for an exam that I'm worried about, and I can feel my anxiety building to the point of an attack. My tendency would be to try to push through and ignore the feelings because I need to get work done! But your mental health doesn't operate within the conditions of your school work, so sometimes it's better for you to take a break, do some self-care and then get back to it. Odds are, you'll be more efficient when you get back to it, and you'll even be able to make up for that "lost time" taking care of yourself.
Talked to your loved ones
You'll finally have the talk with your family and friends and explain to them how you're feeling. But even more importantly than that, explain how they can help you. I told my family members that sometimes I would need to be reassured that I wouldn't fail out of school, that everything would turn out OK, that the situation I was obsessing over was forgiven and forgotten hours ago by everyone else. I apologized because it sounded silly, but they totally got it. Once I told my family that while rationally, no one cared that I had made an awkward comment at 2:05 pm the previous day, my brain was telling me that everyone hated me because of it. Calling my parents and listening to them tell me everything was OK made all the difference.
Just having them acknowledge that I was making a bigger deal of a small situation, but not in a condescending way, gave me all the confidence to realize that all these monstrous worries I had would be easy to tackle. I'm not saying this works for you, but it will help you to come up with a game plan and tell your friends and family exactly what you need when you are going through an anxiety episode. Especially if they don't have anxiety, they don't know how you're feeling, so in order to not feel so alone we have to tell them.
Just know that you will be able to work through it all. Nothing lasts forever.
I would end this article by simply stating that whatever you're going through won't last forever, and you ARE strong enough to defeat it. Remember, you're instrumental in your own mental health. And in order to help yourself, take a moment to be proactive and responsible for your own mental health. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it will help you and everyone you love in the long run.