I really hate talking about this, but I feel that writing for Odyssey has become a diary of sorts for being able to work through my feelings and find people who I relate to. I have found a huge group of people who also feel similar to how I do, but back to the matter at hand. My anxiety constantly throws me for a loop.

I like to play it off like nothing is wrong about 90 percent of the time, but about 100 percent of the time, I am a complete mess on the inside. Nothing makes sense and I feel so lost sometimes. I can never get my body and mind to work together to be what some might call "normal." And sometimes that's all I crave... is not being someone with mental health issues or who can't seem to take one compliment without spinning it in my head so it's an insult.

My anxiety and the insecurities that come with it make me hate myself... but why? Why is that whenever I see myself in the mirror I cannot seem to just think I am pretty or good enough or whatever would make me more confident than what I (sort of, not really) am. And this isn't me scrambling for compliments because while it's wonderful to feel loved... those compliments to me aren't always taken the way they should.

I just wish I knew why I felt the way I did and how I could at least manage it better without hurting those close to me, without shutting out the world and pushing people away who I would rather keep them close. I just wish I could see myself how others see me... or at least how others who matter see me. And one day, I will. It might not be today, but it will be soon.