Dear my anxiety, leave

I’ve dealt with you for many years. I started by thinking that because of you, I’m not “normal.” What even is normal? I hate this. I hate the fact that I have to live with you and I hate feeling like I’m weak compared to you. No, I don’t want to embrace you. I want you to get out of my life forever.

I’m tired of sitting in class planning conversations instead of listening to my professor because of you. I am tired of laying in bed at night wondering why I cannot sleep.

Worst of all, I am tired of looking myself in the mirror as tears roll down my cheek because I feel hopeless, weak and tired. It isn’t fair... it really isn’t. Every day I cannot seem to understand why I give you the power to control me and why I let you win in this battle.

However, I am over it. I’m done feeling like I let you win because it’s my turn to win. I’m done thinking that I have to live with you because I don’t. I know that I’m strong enough to go on without you, and I know that with the determination to, I can do it. I’ve spent years dealing with you on an every day basis and have let you control my life, but I cannot keep on doing that. If I do, I’ll never grow because you won’t let me.

I don’t want to be laying on my death bed thinking about how I missed so many opportunities or about how I missed out on life (which is an amazing gift) because of you. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for that.

So here I am saying goodbye to you and asking you to leave. I need to live my life in peace and I cannot do that with you. It’s my turn to be happy and it’s your turn to let me be happy.

Sincerely,

A new me