I am a very anxious person. I don’t have an anxiety disorder (that I know of), but I do struggle with anxiety often. A large part of my anxiety sprouts from insecurity and self-doubt. There are many parts of my life I skip over because I don’t have the self-confidence to embrace and conquer. Driving is one thing I struggle with constantly. I am 19 and I don’t drive. When people ask, I tell them I love to walk. That isn’t a lie–I really do love walking. It’s healthy for me and the environment. But if I could drive, I would.

Driving gives me anxiety for a few reasons. For one, I’m petrified of getting in an accident and hurting or killing someone. Another reason is fear of judgment from other drivers because I’m not driving fast enough or stopping too long at a stop sign. I’m afraid of damaging the car and costing my parents tons of money. I’m scared of getting hit and suffering an injury that will impact me for the rest of my life. If I had to pick one scenario that scares me the most, it is probably getting in an accident and injuring or killing someone. This is probably a fear most people who drive have, so I’m not wrong in fearing this. However, most of the people I know still drive and I do not.

Driving is like another world I have yet to fully discover. There are many times I kick myself because I just want to toss my fears out the window and learn how to drive and get my license. It’s as if the more I think about it the more anxious I get.

2016 is the second year I’ve set the goal to get my driver’s license. It’s now June and I don’t even remember the last time I was behind the wheel. In the past, I’ve driven with some confidence on back roads in a small car. However, most times I’m shaking and light-headed.

What do I plan on doing? I’ve had many anxieties in the past. Fear of dropping things in front of people is one of the biggest anxieties I've ever dealt with and I’m just now getting over it. My fear of gas stoves has thankfully disappeared and I can cook and sautée at my stove without a hint of anxiety or fear. I’m still working on crowded social contexts. I’m attending a wedding in August and I’m already sweating thinking about all the people I don’t know that I’ll be surrounded by. Many of my fears aren’t uncommon-- many people have the same fears I have. The issue is how they impact my everyday decisions (where I go, who I hang out with, how I pay for something and what I order), how long it takes me to get a handle on them and if I handle them in a healthy way.

I’ve talked to a lot of people about my anxieties in hope to gain back some power in my life and the best advice I’ve ever gotten was from my co-worker. I was having a really bad day and my anxiety was really bad. I was barely sleeping and I lost weight because I didn’t have much of an appetite. My fear of dropping things was affecting my work performance (I work at a café) and my overall self-esteem had never been lower. I was near tears and I opened up to my co-worker about how difficult it had been to work and handle my fear of dropping someone’s glass of water or salad. She told me something that seemed so simple, so obvious that I almost laughed it off when she told me.

Don’t forget to breathe.

Seriously. This is huge. A lot of times when I’m going through a panic attack, breathing is the last thing on my mind. All I needed to do was remind myself to breathe. When I’m working or at a restaurant and the waiter hands me my plate of food, I have a brief moment of panic and I feel like I’m going to pass out, but then I remind myself to breathe and my plate is safely on the table. I’ve found a few tricks to help me handle many of my fears, now I need to find a way to deal with my fear of driving.

If you are also struggling with the fear of driving, just remember that it’s okay. Your ability to drive doesn’t define your level of independence or maturity. Getting your license and a car doesn’t automatically make you a better person or an adult. It sucks having to depend on people for long distance travel and having to walk to work in the rain or late at night sucks, so it really is an important skill to have. However, not being able to do something due to a fear or anxiety doesn’t define your character or who you are as a person. It took me a long time to accept this, but it’s important that people know this. Your fears do not define you.