Anxiety wants to be my friend

To me, you're more of a pain in my ass.

They call you a disorder, I call you an inconvenience. The people that don't have to deal with you don't know how annoying you can become. They don't get to communicate with you like I do. They don't get to learn all the new things that you bring to the table.

What does it feel like to have you in my life? Remember when you were little and wanted to go swimming, but were too scared to go into the deep end because you thought there might a shark at the bottom? Or do you know the feeling you get when you're packing for a big vacation but you always feel like you're missing or forgetting something? Well, that's how it feels to have anxiety as your friend.

You constantly annoy me, you never take my side, and you never just let me have my own way. For once, I want to be able to go out with my friends or boyfriend and not have you third wheel into my life. I want to be able to be confident enough in myself to tell you no and not give into you. You tried to bring me down and you enjoyed every last minute of it. You enjoyed watching me act out when I was young because I didn't know it was you trying to control my life. You enjoyed watching the boy walk away from me because he didn't want to put up with you anymore. You even enjoyed watching me lay in bed and turn down plans because we didn't feel like going out that night.

I'm not going to treat you like a disorder because that means eventually you'll win in the long run. They do always say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer so I guess we got one good thing going for us. You're a thought, a thought that I know I can overcome, but for now I'll deal with you. Only because I don't know how to stand up for myself just yet. But when I do I'll finally be the one watching you slowly fade away, like something that never even had a hold on me in the first place.