An Open Letter To The People I've Pushed Away

An Open Letter To The People I've Pushed Away

I'm sorry I was such an awful friend that you felt the need to leave.

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To the people I've pushed away,

To start off this letter, I'm going to state a fact: I will no longer be apologizing for who I am and what I go through. You have made me feel awful about myself for too long.

After being diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder, my mental and emotional health went downhill. What most people don't know is that my self-image went on a downfall when I was diagnosed with bells palsy in 2013. Bells Palsy is defined as the paralysis of the facial nerve, causing muscular weakness in one side of the face. For me, this was awful. I was pretty much told that it could last anywhere from two weeks, to permanently; or anywhere in between. Unfortunately, mine is permanent.

Being diagnosed with all of this plays a major part in how I've pushed so many people away. I began this letter by explaining all of this to you to show you what I've gone through. Granted, it could always be worse, but that doesn't mean you have to leave. Yes, I talk horribly of myself, and yes, I believe you when you say I'm worthless. That's just how I am. Because of this, I believe that I will never find my worth and need a lot of help trying, so when you walk away, I don't want to keep trying.

So when I begin to push you away, please don't go, because I need you. I need your help. Again, this is not me apologizing for who I am. One day I will let you in, but until then just keep fighting for me because it will make all the difference in my life.

Thank you for trying to help me.

Sincerely, Kelsie

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Practicing Yoga Makes Me Feel Better Almost Instantly


Yoga has also given me lifestyle changes I never expected.

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First, let's talk about what yoga is not. It isn't twisting into some impossible pretzel shape or sitting around chanting "om" for an hour. It doesn't have to be slow and it's not just for women.

One of my favorite instructors likes to say that yoga is just simply breathing, if you've ever just taken a moment to have a few calm breaths then you've done yoga.

attractive fit young man doing yoga on the beach

The start of my sophomore year was rough for me. I struggled with anxiety, especially in social situations. I stopped going out in groups with my friends and I spent the majority of my time in my room being anxious over other stuff.

I wouldn't go to social events or even walk on local trails because my anxiety was so high it kept me from going out and enjoying myself. I was unhappy with myself and how I always felt tired all the time and stressed out.

I started my yoga "journey" in the fall semester of my sophomore year of college just looking for additional exercise and something to get invested in to stay active. Shortly after attending just one and sometimes two classes a week I noticed I was becoming calmer and relieved in my everyday life.

Eventually, I was able to attend class without a friend coming with me and I even branched out to other yoga classes and I started taking early morning ones as well. I felt a huge difference in my mood and my overall energy and I had this motivation to finally get up and get things done, it was like I had control over my anxiety.

After a couple of months of going to regular classes and even practicing a little at home I can finally say that I am happy with myself. I call yoga a journey because it took me out of my comfort zone and helped me push open my boundaries more.

Yoga has also given me lifestyle changes I never expected. I am healthier because not only am I more active but I am striving to eat better which also makes me feel better. I understand myself better, because I took the time to reflect on what I want and what I don't want in my life. I realized there was a good amount of negative energy around me, I took the time to recognize my own negative energy and focus on changing myself.

The best part of yoga? You can practice it anywhere. If going to classes just isn't an option, you can watch Yoga With Adriene on Youtube or even just Google poses you would want to try out. Have hip, back or neck pain? I guarantee there is a yoga sequence or a few moves to loosen out your tension.

Yoga With Adriene

I urge everyone to try out yoga, and if it isn't your thing then you can say you tried but, I truly do believe that yoga is what you make of it.

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