A death is irreversible. When you die, you have options for an afterlife depending on your beliefs, but you will never return to earth in the same form again. That's why, when you are alive, you MUST live it to the fullest. My mom's friend was the most loving and caring person I have ever known. I heard that her smile could light up any room she walked into and she loved in a way that isn’t found as deeply anymore. No, I didn't know her personally. She was my mom's best work friend. But I knew of her and we kept in contact through my mom. She was so light-hearted that she bought a Webkinz and was so excited to become my friend on it. We could've played games and showed each other our houses that we made.

But you took that away from us.

You took away a joy that, even if you didn't know her, could still make you feel whole inside even from afar. It didn't have to end this way.

She was driving back from her birthday dinner. She must've gone somewhere she enjoyed because I heard she got dressed up and was going out with her boyfriend. What she didn't know was that when she got into the car, she wouldn't get out of it alive. All because you decided to take away her breath when you wanted to take away yours. I know you had been planning on a suicide attempt in which you would drive your car against traffic on the highway. But did you plan on killing others, plus yourself? There were other ways you could've gotten help. Your life didn't have to end. But when your life did, it brought everyone else's down with you.

I remember being a little girl and watching my mother cry as she was playing the news of the accident online. The news anchor pronounced her name wrong causing my mom to call in and correct them. Such disrespect to such a young and kind-hearted lady. I stood in my playroom watching my mother with tears streaming down her face, which I didn't know how to handle at such a young age. I must've said something like "I didn't know her so I don't understand". But I did. I must've if the accident still appears in my daydreams. Seeing you make my mom cry like that is something that I won’t ever be able to forgive you for.

Middle school hits. I recognize how depressed I've been my whole life and it comes out especially strong during these three years. I often found myself crying in school which led to my existence of being in the counselor's office about half of each school day, unable to sit through class without a breakdown. Frieda's birthday hit around the same time that this accident occurred. It's about a day apart, causing these two days to be extremely excruciating. Hearing my mom plan a night out with her (at the time) coworkers that all knew her and the woman's boyfriend and mother who were also invited. Sitting in class unable to focus, concentrating on the harsh reality of this occurrence. Thinking of all those affected and the possibility of it happening again. I couldn't take it. As I started to cry uncontrollably in class, my 8th grade English teacher told me to go sit in the hall and clear up my tears. He was one of my most supportive teachers so I felt lucky to have been in his class while I broke down. However, it wasn't enough. I needed to go see a counselor and I cried on her shoulder as she held me and showed me love that you’ll never be able to give to other people.

To the man that took away such a loving and caring woman. I understand life gets hard. It may seem like it's not worth it.

But you don't get to decide who else feels like that too.

I don't know what you believe in to be true about an afterlife. But wherever you are, know that you took away someone who had the potential to make you feel happier. Or someone who could spread that joy to someone else who could eventually spread it to you. I hope you know that the weight of not only her world ending but everyone who is so deeply affected by it, is on your shoulders.

If you ever feel suicidal, please call: 1-800-273-8255. When you take away your life, you affect more people than you could ever imagine. You are not invisible, worthless, or invaluable. Get help before it gets too far.