I thought about writing this letter when I watched you and your sister chase each other with squirt guns, laughing like there was not a care in the world.
I thought about writing this letter after telling you for the five-thousandth time to clean up your toy trucks.
I thought about writing this letter after you wrote your ’c’ backward for the sixth time, only to spell your name perfectly the second I wasn’t looking. I saw that proud grin on your face.
I thought about writing this letter when I walked into your room and saw your brother admiring your makeup. We sat on the floor for hours playing with eyeshadow. You were so happy when he asked you to put it on him.
I knew I had to write this letter when you weren’t in my life anymore.
Dear kiddos,
You drove me crazy. Whether my day was 8 am to 4 p.m., or 6 pm to 3 a.m., it was never boring when I was with you two. I think I’ve made more macaroni and cheese than any one person should ever consume in their lifetime.
The arguments about whose turn it was to fill up the water balloons or why your sister got to stay up half an hour later sure kept me on my toes.
I know you won’t remember this, but you woke up screaming one night. I rubbed your back and rocked you until you fell asleep. When we walked to Ben and Jerry’s, I had to make sure you guys held hands so that one of you wouldn’t get too far in front of the other. You looked out for each other. Hopefully, you’ll never stop.
There were times I called my mom, desperately begging for some advice when I couldn’t get you to stop crying. I thank her for reminding me that I had all the tools I needed and for never bailing me out.
I knew you and your sister teamed up to steal two marshmallows out of the drawer when I was doing dishes. I saw the gleam behind your eyes. Those secret glances and giggles you thought I didn’t notice, I did. But you two were working together, and I knew one marshmallow wouldn’t hurt. Looking back, I remember having my sister steal candy out of the drawer while I distracted to our babysitter and sneaking into her room to play games while we should have been asleep. I realize now that our babysitter probably knew too.
I wanted you two to have those memories, because if you’re lucky you’ll be each other’s best friend.
Sincerely,
Eleanor James