It takes a lot out of me each day to try to understand why someone would create a human being they will never take care of. What an exhausting thought. Even if you find yourself in this situation and think it's the biggest mistake of your life, you still have to do something about it. Whatever happened to the saying, "You've made your bed, and now you must sleep in it"? You shouldn't get to just walk away from your child and pretend like that part of your life never happened. You shouldn't get to damage someone before they even know they could be broken. It shouldn't work that way.
Having a child should be your biggest accomplishment. There is now something on this planet that is half of you and half of someone else. That's supposed to be beautiful. You're supposed to love watching that child grow up. You're supposed to care for them and support them so they grow into an amazing adult. You're supposed to feel proud. You're supposed to be a role model for them. You're supposed to be there.
But you weren't.
Just in case you forgot, there's still a child (maybe even an adult now) on this planet whom you've hurt tremendously with your own selfish decisions. There isn't a problem that exists that can't be fixed -- it just comes down to the amount of effort you decide to put into it. If you don't feel horrible about leaving your child, you should. If this post sounds angry to you, it is. I'm sick of hearing about so many wonderful people who either never got a chance to meet their father, were left by their father at a young age, or had a father who decided to remove them from his life as soon as he stopped paying child support. You have no idea what you're missing out on. And whatever your excuse is to not be in the life of your child, I don't want to hear it. I already know it's pathetic.
I hope that you realize what you have done. I hope that you take the time to seek out a real dad and ask them about the joys of parenthood. I hope that they tell you that it's the best and worst thing they've ever experienced, but also remind you that you're missing out on it because they wouldn't change it for the world. I hope that someone else has taken your child under their wing and showed them what fatherly love feels like. I hope that they never suffered because of you. And I hope that you can live with your decision at the end of the day.