There are not many things more sad than looking back at your past self and being ashamed.

Whenever I look back or think back to my past self, I am saddened. My younger self was a sad, self deprecating, pile of angst and depression. If by some means of science or technology I was able to talk to her, I know exactly what I would say.

Dear Sadder You,

First, I should tell you that you are right. The life you are living is gloomy and peculiar. All of the sorrow you are feeling is reasonable considering how screwed up everything is around you, but it is going to get so much worse before it ever gets better. A couple months from now, your mother is going to get sick and everything is going to fall apart. Your father, the guy you can’t stand is going to become your best and only friend. Your empty home is going to become filled with small aquatic friends. That confidence that you have been lacking your entire life is going to hit you right in the face. You are going to become, what can only be considered, entirely too obsessed with yourself. All of that happens in only one year.
In two years, your mother will still be sick and you’ll be sad and full of rage. I should tell you now that that rage is not going to go away anytime soon. We’re 18 now, and we’re still pretty angry. When you’re 15, your new found best friend, your father, will also get sick and then you’re left with no one. With the amount of tears you will cry in the next two years, you will probably be able to fill that now empty fish tank in your room. When both of your parents are sick, you finally get what you want, you get to be left alone.

I am sorry to say that you don’t like being alone at all.In three years, your mother will still be sick, your father will be sicker, and your first best friend, your grandmother, will pass away. But you’re beginning to be less sad. Your sadness become numbness and somehow, you are able to cope with that. You fill that void of numbness with the weirdest books and the most obscure literature. That love you had for Kurt Cobain when you were 12 will come back and completely take over your life.
I have told you about all of the bad stuff, but I think you should know about the good. The next few years of your life are going to be eventful. All of the sadness, anger, and tears will teach you a lot about yourself and the world around you. You will learn about the unfathomable love of family and the limits of that love. You will learn about self confidence and self sustaining. You will learn about social dynamics and relationships. You will learn an overwhelming amount of information that you somehow manage to take in and rationalize.I don’t know how we did it, younger me, but somehow we survived.

Much love,

A Stronger & Wiser You