To My Pets,
When I left today, I could tell that you knew. While you may not understand English besides "Treat, Walk, Breakfast and Dinner," and couldn't possibly comprehend my parents and I talking about tuition and stressing about the futon fitting into my small car - I think you knew I was leaving.
You followed us around all morning while we loaded my things. You had this little glint in your small eyes and nuzzled your noses a bit deeper into my neck.
This is not easy.
While I don't think you quite understand English, I think you might understand "Goodbye." You don't jump up and get excited like you do with the others when you hear that word, but I think you know it. What scares me is that I'm not sure you know how much I wish I could say something else.
If I had it my way, I'd dress you up in fish costumes and proudly let anyone who asked know that you were my pet fish. While I don't think the cats would quite enjoy that, I would personally fight my way through student housing on it.
But, in the end, I wouldn't have wanted to rip you from the home you grew up in with a family you love.
I can't tell you how many times I have laid down at night here in my room, perfectly satisfied, and then suddenly felt just a bit incomplete when I realize that you're not here. You know the deal: Kitties near my legs, puppies at the torso. It's an us thing.
I am writing you a letter to let you know that I long for the sound of your paws pattering on the hardwood floors to greet me after a long day at work. I long for the low purr in my ears when you nudge on my cheek. I wish for the way that you sigh after you get completely comfortable. Long walks in the sunshine with both of you padding next to me. The way that you refrain from meowing and close your eyes and you sit right next to me when I play the guitar. Oh, and I miss you guys eating whatever food I drop on the ground. Sweeping sucks.
It's not fair, my little friends. Not fair.
If I could, I would tell you that I'm only leaving for now and will definitely be back. I've got to do laundry! And I give you guys full permission to lay on the warm laundry. I'll proudly sport your hair on my clothes and think of you every time I pick it off.
It's not you, I would say. I would tell you how full you make my heart. And how much we surpass any squad goal that anyone has ever dreamed of. Most of all, I'd let you know how much I'll miss you while I'm away.
While I know you know the words "Treat, Walk, Breakfast and Dinner" - and maybe "Goodbye" I pray to God that you know "I love you," too. I hope you hear the tonal shift - I hope you hear - I hope you feel it when I say it quietly while you're half-asleep in my arms. I hope you hear it when I say it after you do something hilarious. I hope you hear it clear across the room and up close. Most of all I hope you heard it when I left today.
Long distance relationships are hard, but, my little fluffs, I think we're stronger than ever. You have made my world so much happier and continue to do it still, even if we're miles and miles away.
May your food dishes be full and your noses wet, your dreams be happy and your beds warm. I love you.
Your best friend,
Sarahanne