An Open Letter To My High School Relationship

An Open Letter To My High School Relationship

Everything that happens in a relationship teachs us something, and grows us as a person.
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A year after we ended things, I've decided to share our story. All the story. The good, the bad, and all the things I've learned along the way. Our story has changed me into a better person, and this process didn't happen overnight. Relationships help people grow stronger, even after the relationship has come and gone. As I sit here on a Friday, I wonder where to begin and what to share. I think about how our worlds have become two totally different ones.

My Friday nights are spent at my apartment with friends watching movies, while yours are filled with drinking and partying. How our worlds could be completely different is beyond me, but I couldn't be happier about where I am in my life. I thank you for leading me down the rollercoaster of our relationship, and to some of the best chapters of my life.

I also share this story because I live life looking for the positives. I am always smiling and cracking a joke. I strive to make others happy, and not let anyone see me at my weakest points. I wanted to share that behind every strong woman, so many more things are going on. Everyone goes through a hard experience, and I want everyone to understand that IT'S OKAY, you are not alone!! I hope my story helps you learn something about yourself, or about a relationship you are in. I hope it helps you to grow as a person, and blossom into the best person you could ever be!!

12-17- 2013 This date use to be what my world revolved around for 2 years and 4 months. We met through my favorite activity, Color guard. You were the “invisible child”, but finally decided to come on a guard trip! Why you would be interested in the wildest and loudest one… was beyond me. I asked myself what you, the quiet/shy boy would see in me. Time passes and, let’s be real, I always had a crush on you. The night this story really begins is my cousin’s birthday party. Leaving that night was a wonderful feeling, you put your number and your Snapchat in my phone. Let's be honest, we were flirting the whole night. Time passes and 12-17-13 rolls around. A simple December day, following a day full of finals and going out to lunch. You simply ask if we should make the “rumors” true. Of course, without hesitation, I said yes. Little did I know, this day would change my life forever, in ways I never could’ve imagined.

We were both diving into our first serious relationship and heading into giving up 2 years and four months of our lives…... figuring out what “love” is and isn't. I still wonder what I saw in you, a quiet and shy, city boy from the square. This was far from what I could have ever imagined myself dating. Looking back I realize the experience was to help me change my life for the better and help keep you on the straight path to graduation, keeping you out of trouble.

Just as any relationship we started out in the head over heels phase. We wanted to spend as much time as possible together. We hung out with my friends, watched movies on the couch, and even played x-box live together (even though I sucked). Three months later, my birthday rolled around, and I got the most heart-filled gift, a key necklace, and black hooped earrings. To this day, I still keep the key in my jewelry box, and wear the earrings, because hey! Black goes with everything. Over time the key will fade into a story of my high school career, a necklace and earrings I wore for 2 years straight. Later down the road, I bought you a chain. This chain necklace always looked so “bad ass” on you. I still see those posts of you wearing it. I hope every time you wear that chain you think of us.

As time passed we shared a lot of experiences. I opened your eyes to the farm life, including you holding your first pig. I began to drag you out of your comfort zone. Relationships are about growing each other, and during the years we spent together, I pushed you into growing into a better person, and in turn you helped me grow into a better person as well. The time between 12-17-13 and April 2016 holds a lot of fond memories. The homecoming, and proms we shared together. The waiting for each other after class, the late night movies, all the bowling nights and oh if that bonfire could talk the funny stories it would share! The support of all my band contests, ballet performance and even the pageants ( I know were super super boring.)

These years also hold lots of struggles. The struggle of my first year being away at college. All the phone calls that faded over the year, due to lack of effort. The fading in phone calls pushed me to begin to learn, how to turn to someone else when I needed someone to talk to. This caused me to meet some of my best friends I've ever had. The struggle of trying to hang out on the weekends when I'd come home. The “I've got to work late and I'll come over after”. The time I spend waiting for you to show up at my door, the times I missed going out to dinner with my family because I was waiting on you. Waiting… Waiting… This taught me to never waste time waiting on people.

This also taught me that sometimes people's list of what's “important” changes. Out of sight out of mind, could not be more real. We also struggled with communication and listening to what each other shared. We would share what we both had a problem with… but let's be real, only one of us ever listened. Once communication fades in a relationship, the real problems start occurring.

Relationships begin to fall apart for many reason, but especially when one person’s eyes move on. Being truthful and having trust in a relationship are very key. A relationship is built between two with trust for one another at the base of it. Communication began to fade, and communication began to move towards other people. Slight problem when you begin ditching your significant other for another person. You know how your relationship began and this communication process is beginning between your significant other and another person…. OH wait! Not just one person, but two.

Our relationship truly began to fall apart at about a year and 10 months. Looking back now, nothing I did made our relationship begin to fall apart. At the time I thought I wasn’t good enough. Simply, I wasn't what he was looking for anymore. He was finding what he needed in other places. Our relationship began to fall apart because of other women and he allowed this. Other women that were “just friends” as he put it. Something fishy is occurring if you won’t open a Snapchat from another woman with your “girlfriend”. People began to share information with me, about my “boyfriend” spending time with these mistresses. Little did he know, I have friends all over, and they want to protect me. These women should have learned to respect the fact that this man…. My “boyfriend” at the time was taken.

My “boyfriend” also should have realized that he was taken… Sometimes the “taken” man is the safe bet for women… Why not mess with a boy who’s taken, you’d never have to commit… Women are much stronger than stooping down to this level, just believe in yourselves!

When someone tears a relationship apart, it not only tears the relationship apart but it also destroys people. Months after this relationship ended, this little event ruined my trust for other men. I couldn't help but always wonder if the guy I was talking to was talking to another woman. Women are supposed to stand together, not take another woman’s man. The point of this section is to understand, it's okay to not be okay after a terrible relationship experience. It's okay to question when your “boyfriend” is talking to someone else, they should not get defensive. They should tell you what you want to know. If you question the relationship, don't hold on. If you suspecting cheating, get yourself out. Don't hold on. A man should never lie to you or even let you suspect he's cheating.

The day we broke up was his senior prom. Luckily we never planned on going to prom, but simply going out to Ruth's Chris, the expensive steak house. I was sitting on the couch trying to get the nerve to finally cut off the relationship. I couldn't play the games anymore, but my heart still longed for the good memories we shared. Sitting on the couch in tears, you began to show more compassion for me than you had in months. I began to wonder if I did the wrong thing ending the relationship. That night, we went to dinner. The first “date” in a long time, that I didn't drive or pay. I thank you for sharing one more night with me. Ruth Chris is a restaurant I will never attend again. It holds the ending to my high school relationship and mindset. In the end, you ended the relationship the right way, by treating me to one more dinner…. Most awkward but “normal” dinner of my life, but still fun. On the drive home, I gave you directions because you said I told you that you never listened to me. I began to give the wrong directions and we both shared a laugh, but just another reminder we did not belong together anymore. The dinner was just one more memory to store away, and save for a rainy day.

Leaving you was what I needed to finally get out of high school, and fully engage in my college years. This pushed me into the best chapter of my life. What was the “worse” decision of my life was a big speed bump to get over but the whole process made me a better person. It made me rethink relationships, and made me a better future girlfriend for some lucky guy.

You see the thing about losing a serious boyfriend is you not only lose the boyfriend but your best friend. (best friends have terrible pictures of each other, so why not include one:P) If you do a relationship right, your boyfriend is your best friend. But, you also lose his family, your second family. Break-ups are far beyond losing just a boyfriend, and it's okay to not be okay after it. In my case, I wasn't sad that I lost my boyfriend, I was sad I lost my best friend. So, I tried to stay friends.

But being friends after a relationship doesn't work. (just like everyone says. I thought I would defy all odds… but that attempt failed (on his part). So begin to move on right away, put yourself first. It took me months to realize this. When I finally cut off all contact, including social media, I began to not think about you anymore, and it allowed me to fully get over the relationship. I thank you for pushing me away immediately and making it easier for me to move on.

When looking back through social media for pictures to put on here, I realized something. I realized that a lot of the pictures we share come from the very beginning of our relationship. This made me realize that maybe I was staying in the relationship because the beginning was so good. I was hoping that this would come back. We had a spark at the beginning that was very obvious, we were the #goals (as people would say) But looking back that faded fast. I was so head over heels for you, I never realized our relationship was over before we even started… love is blind, don't forget to keep your sunglasses on to keep you from being blinded.

To my ex-boyfriend: If by some random act of faith you are reading this. Sorry for sharing the brutally honest story that was “US”, but Thank you!

Thank you for all the things, both good and bad. It turned me into a stronger woman! I’d like you to know, that I still wish you the best in everything you do. Maybe I’ll run into you some day in town, or see you at prime (the car wash he works at). I’ll smile and maybe wavy and remember the good times. Always know, I'm wishing the best for you and I'm still cheering you on. You were my first serious love, and you will forever hold a special place in my heart. I will always consider you a friend, and again I wish you the best. You are an amazing young man, and if you use your brain, you'll do great things!

You know me, always dealing with situations with quotes. "Maybe someday I'll see you at a table in a restaurant in France. Perhaps we will both be with our future families. We'd smile and wave but go our separate ways."

In the end, we are the person we create. Our stories help shape us into the people we become. This relationship was a roller coaster, but I wouldn't change a day of it. The past is something we can never change, if we change one single bit of it, we wouldn't be where we are today. Sometimes sharing our stories helps others see they aren't alone. It helps others get through what they are going through. In the end, sharing my story helps other women not fall into the same traps, and helps them realize this “life crisis” can create the most beautiful chapter of their life.

I leave you with a quote…..

“To see the world, things dangerous to come, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel that is the purpose of life.”

Love,

The girl who learned the hard way

Cover Image Credit: Kendall Gatewood

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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People Who Invalidate Your Feelings Don't Actually Care About You

People that refuse to acknowledge that they've hurt my feelings and say I have no right to feel how I'm feeling are not people that I want to be my friends.

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I'm an emotional person, to say the least. Whenever I get upset about something, I usually end up crying about it. Crying is one of the main ways I process my emotions and get sh*t out, instead of letting it bottle up. When I was a teenager and younger, I was definitely the person who wanted to bottle up my emotions and just never deal with them. Bottling up my emotions ACTUALLY ended with me blowing up every once in a while or having a huge breakdown.

Processing my feelings as they come is a healthier approach for me in handling my emotions AND it allows me to communicate when I'm upset with my friends shortly after the fact.

Sometimes, I'll confront one of my friends about how their actions made me feel like garbage and they'll go off about how I shouldn't feel this way and they're doing all they can to be a good friend. This dialogue is frustrating because I'm not saying they're a bad friend or a bad person. All I'm saying is they hurt my feelings and I would like for them to acknowledge it and try to avoid it in the future, if possible.

Another example, I have this other friend who doesn't listen to me at ALL when I talk to them. Sometimes, they will seem to register what I'm saying and connect with me, but two weeks later, they won't remember ever having talked about it. We went out together after getting back from winter break and they never stopped talking about themselves the whole time. Whenever I talked, it seemed like an interruption in their monologue. They wouldn't even acknowledge what I said and their actions hurt my feelings. How can someone say they care about me, yet treat me like that? They only wanted me to hear THEIR side of the story, without retaining any information about me.

People that refuse to acknowledge that they've hurt my feelings and say I have no right to feel how I'm feeling are not people that I want to be my friends. I want friends who recognize my feelings, even if they don't agree with them. I can't do anything to change my feelings! All I can do is accept them and tell my friends when they've hurt my feelings. When people try to change how I feel by saying I shouldn't be upset or saying I'm overreacting, it shows how little respect they have for me. Why would I want to be friends with someone like that?

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