I wrote a letter to myself at the beginning of my first relationship, which was this year. Yes, as a senior in college I was just getting asked out and was just getting into my first relationship. And I knew the heartbreak was going to be the worst pain I've felt in a while.
So, when this relationship started and I questioned why'd he choose me, why then, what did he see that others didn't, I wrote a letter to my future self I hoped I didn't have to read anytime soon.
And, as I have now had to dig it back out, I'm going to share it for all those others that may need an encouraging word after a break up (especially those who are going through their first break up or are late to the dating game like me).
Dear Future Self,
I really hope you don't need to open this letter. I really hope you'll never need it more than once if you do. It's going to be okay.
So where am I at right now in life? I'm writing away in History of Design, my night class. I don't know where you're at in life, but right now, I am unscarred, my heart is still full and unscathed. Yes, this is the first relationship and as I may very well wish and hope that it's my first/last, if you (my future self) is reading this now, that might not be.
You've waited a very long time for this relationship, haven't you? Yes. 21 years at least. You're very heartbroken, aren't you? He became such a large part of your life as of late and now how will you spend your time without him?
Oh my darling future self, no matter how much it hurts, or how much you cry, or how pained you are, you are strong. Yes. YOU are STRONG. 21 years, you've been on your own for 21 years with a strong sense of self and well aware of your own identity. Take the time to rediscover yourself if need be, take that time to heal.
And pray for him as well. I know you probably don't want to, but he's most likely hurting too. You may have met a lot of good people due to him too, don't let those connections die because your relationship is failing or dead. Unless he was a total ass in the end, don't burn your bridges too quickly. But mostly, pray for him.
You'll always have your friends as well, who will back you up. They'll be your rocks, don't be afraid to go to them, cry to them, and ask their support. They'll probably try to demonize him to try to make you feel better- if he wasn't a bad person, don't let them.
If you do hold on to the memories, hold on to what was good. Remember the joyful moments, when he made you smile or when you would get him to smirk. Don't taint what was good.
Your 21-year season of singleness taught you that God has blessed you with such strength and individuality that you will be fine on your own.
Maybe he wasn't right for you, but maybe he taught you something too- something about yourself or something about the world. Like I said before, take away what was good from the relationship and give yourself time to heal. Maybe God put him in your life to recognize a certain quality you wish to see in your future husband.
In any way, God has a plan for you. He will lead you. In the past you've done pretty well giving God control with it comes to parts of your life. Don't be afraid to step back and let God take control, take the lead, again.
You are loved, even if you don't feel it. You are a fighter, even if you don't feel like fighting.
I believe in you and you will be extraordinary <3
Your Past Self