An Open Letter To My Hangover
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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Hangover

Work hard, play hard, regret immediately.

An Open Letter To My Hangover

Dear Hangover,

What have I done to deserve you? It was a long week of work and classes, and I just wanted to have a good time. I just wanted to have fun and now I'm feeling attacked by you. I woke up this morning... OK, I woke up this afternoon on death's door because of you. My head is pounding so hard I think I my brain is trying to escape. I'm so thirsty. My mouth is like the fucking Sahara desert. I feel like a blood-deprived vampire from "American Horror Story: Hotel."

My stomach is telling me to eat something but when I tried to pour some cereal, my stomach decided it needed to become even emptier than it already was. You know, Hangover, there aren't many things I hate in life more than vomiting. I enjoyed my Taco Bell the first time it went down. I really didn't need to taste it again on its way out. So now my stomach is even emptier than it was before, but I still can't keep food down because apparently I am allergic to every food ever and my body immediately rejects it.

It is bad enough that I made my own share of bad mistakes last night that I now have to live with. Embarrassing tweets and text messages are more than enough to leave me full of regrets today, but that wasn't good enough for you, was it? You just had to pay me a visit. Nothing is worse than looking at my sent text messages to the most random of people. I'm glad you're doing well Aunt. My drunk self was apparently very concerned about you. But I had to discover my poor choices while having the worst hangover of the century.

Simple things are now ruined because of you. I couldn't even put on hand sanitizer today because the smell of alcohol destroyed me. I saw a commercial for McDonald's and thought I was just going to drop dead. I love fast food and now that is ruined for me thanks to you. I had to cancel my brunch plans because the thought of being in a building surrounded with food sickens me and you know how much I love brunch.

I don't know what I did to deserve you. I didn't mix my alcohol. If memory serves me correctly I didn't even drink that much, and yet, here you are trying to ruin my Sunday. Not to be rude, but I really hope you don't plan on staying much longer because I got shit that I need to do and you're really prohibiting me from living my life. Hope to never encounter you again...


A Realllllllyyy Hungover Person

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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