An Open Letter To My Cancer

An Open Letter To My Cancer

I forgive you.
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Dear Ricky,

It’s over. We are officially breaking up. I am ready to oust you from my life and move on. This is the last time I will be writing you, but before I say good-bye, I want to put everything out on the table. Firstly,

Thanks for ruining my life. I had an amazing life before you filled with friends, a swimming career, straight A’s, nights out, dates. Then you came along. You seemed harmless at first, but after a while, I realized you were no good. Pure evil, a crime against humanity. You, single-handedly, ruined my senior year. Because of you, I didn’t go to prom, football games, graduation, senior assassin, or college. You ruined my parent’s relationship. You are the reason my parents cry themselves to sleep every night from the torture you put me through. You don’t care about my happiness or my feelings. You only care about yourself. You are a tumor, literally. You are the cancerous tumor that lay dormant on my heart, slowly spreading through my body. With you, I felt true loneliness that could only be described as a prison. You can only sit and contemplate life and the unfair hand its dealt you. You took advantage of me when I was at my weakest and for that, I will never forgive you.

On the other hand, I would be lying if I didn’t say you were the best thing that could have happened to me. Before we met, I was depressed. Life was monotonous, sad, and honestly, not worth living. I don’t know if it was the pressure to succeed in academics or the abandonment from my friends and family, but the anxiety made me hate life. Then you came along. You made me realize that you get one chance to make an impression and that I still could make my life better. When we met, I realized that I didn’t want to work a “safe and boring” job. I decided I was going to take a risk and pursue what I love the most: fashion. You taught me to take risks and own the present. You showed me who my real friends are and that some people are not worth your time, even if they are your family. I met some amazing new friends that I will cherish forever. You made me not only appreciate life, but also death. How at any moment, we can die and that your final seconds could be filled with regret of what you didn’t do or how you could have done things differently. I’m not going to live my life like that. I refuse to let you fill me with regret and sorrow. I choose peace.

We have a history, memories that I will never forget. I hope to never see you again, but if your paths cross again, I will accept it. I will not be angry or sad or hateful or depressed. However, I will fight my hardest to make sure you leave my life, for good. I know this because I am stronger than you. You are not a person; you don’t have feelings, or attachments, or hatred, or love, or interests, which is why I don’t hate you. I can’t hate something or put energy into something that isn’t human. You didn’t target me or hurt me on purpose because you are what you are: a tumor. Nothing more, nothing less. However, if one day you are the death of me, just remember: if I go, you go with me; you can’t hurt anyone else. I will know that I died as a person who was loved and remembered. I will die someone that made a difference and meant something to people. You…you will be nothing because you are nothing. You will never be anything to me.

Despite all you ever did to me, I will never forget you because you made me the person I am right now. I am alive. I am a survivor. I am not afraid of you. I will never be afraid.

Sincerely,

The girl who will never stop fighting

Cover Image Credit: pintrest

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.
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Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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How Growing Up In A Culturally Diverse Environment Changed Me

We are all human.

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I can proudly say that I am from Montgomery County, Maryland, more specifically from the city of Gaithersburg. According to a 2018 study by WalletHub, three of the top 10 culturally diverse cities in the United States are located in Montgomery County. Those cities include Gaithersburg, Germantown, and Silver Spring.

I have lived in Montgomery County ever since the day I was born. Growing up in such a culturally and economically diverse area has educated me with the value of accepting differences. Since I was exposed to an assortment of cultures at such a young age, I hardly ever noticed differences among my peers and I. The everyday exposure to various cultures taught me to embrace diversity and look beyond appearances such as the color of someone's skin. I was able to open my eyes to other ideas, lifestyles, and backgrounds.

Ever since I was a child, I was not only taught to welcome different cultures and ethnic groups, but I was always surrounded by them. From my elementary to high school years, every classroom was filled with racial, ethnic, and linguistic diversity. Coming from someone apart of the Caucasian race, I was often the minority in school. Not everyone is as fortunate to experience such a multicultural society.

Since being from Montgomery County, I have grown up as a person with an open mind and strong values. Diversity has not only taught me to be more mindful but has also helped me become more of a respectful person. Learning about other cultures and backgrounds is essential to help societies strive, but experiencing it firsthand is something that no one can teach you.

After being in countless culturally diverse situations, I have been provided with many lifelong advantages. I was taught to be inclusive, fair, and understanding. I am able to be comfortable and accepting of all cultures and religions. After growing up in such a culturally diverse environment, I now develop culture shock when I'm not surrounded by diversity.

Our world is filled with numerous different kinds of cultures, ethnic groups, and religions. Being raised in a diverse environment has prepared me for what the real world looks like and taught me exactly what equality means. As I was growing up, I was always taught to be nonjudgemental of others and to embrace all individuals for who they are.

Diversity molds our identities. Every individual is unique, but each of us shares at least one trait — we are all human. Who would rather experience a homogeneous society, when they could constantly be learning about other cultures and building diverse relationships? When growing up, I never realized how impacted and truly thankful I would be to of had the opportunities to experience diversity each day. So here is a long overdue thank you to my parents for choosing to raise me in such an incredibly diverse place all of my life.

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