There are some days where I can go hours without thinking about you, but as soon as "See You Again" by Charlie Puth comes on the radio, all the feelings come rushing back.

February 13, 2018 will be three years without you. Three years without you breathing in the air. Three years without you smiling. Three years without you praying to get better. Three years without my best friend.

I've always known that your time would have come, but I didn't prepare myself mentally or physically. I didn't prepare myself for the sit down by my mother on the night before Valentines Day to tell me that you left earlier that day. I didn't prepare myself for the amount of crying I would do days after you left. I didn't prepare myself for knowing that I would ever lose you this early.

I visited your room about a year ago and just sat on your bed looking around. I looked around your room to see all of the things you would have touched or used. I looked at your handwriting for all of the homework that you never turned in because you were too sick to go to school. I looked at your pictures that you have hanging around your room of all the good times you had with friends.

I guess what's hard for me to realize is that you are no longer one text away or one phone call away. I kept telling you that I would visit you but could never afford the flight or I would just forget about it. I hate myself for making you believe that I would visit you when I never did. But just because I never visited you doesn't mean that I never thought about you. You were constantly on my mind and I prayed so much for you to just wake up and feel better. I guess that you feeling better meant that you had to release your aching body and go live with Jesus in heaven.

I remember the day you left, I texted you and didn't get any reply back. I didn't think this was unusual because you had previously ignored me because you were coming to reality that you would be leaving. I just thought it was one of those days where you didn't want to talk to anyone. I lived that day in a happy mood, spending it with my first graders that I student taught and planned on going on a date later that day. I didn't plan for it to become one of the worst days of my life. When February 13th comes around, I become depressed. I start closing myself off to the world and just listening to sad songs. I know that's not what you wanted me to do but I can't help being sad when that date comes around.

You left at the wrong time. You left when you were finally the age of getting your drivers license. You left when you were finally able to go to prom. You left when you were supposed to start looking at colleges. You left before you could walk across the stage to complete high school. You left before you could have your first day of college. You left before you could go to any college parties. You left before you could graduate college. You left before you could find the girl of your dreams. You left before you could get married. You left before you could have kids. You left when you just started making a difference in the world.

To me, you aren't just another statistic for Fanconi Anemia. You are my best friend who impacted my life in such a positive way. I wish you could've seen all the positive impacts that you made in this world before you headed to heaven.

Until we meet again.