To My Anxiety,

I wasn't really sure I felt comfortable writing to you. However, at this point in my life, I feel like its the best thing I can do because you've done nothing but hurt me.

At first, I let you eat my insides away, then allowed you to eat my outsides. I don't know why I allowed you to do such a thing. You realize I am just an eighteen-year-old girl. I am not someone who you should be picking on and bothering 24/7. But I guess the jokes on me, right? Because you do this to me no matter what and you're okay with it.

You know, I hope you realize you really make me feel like shit. You make me feel like I am an absolute nothing in this world and lead me to believe this is what others think of me too. You make it hard for me to believe I am not shit when someone tells me. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you make me feel super alone. When you make it seem like eyes are all on me in a public setting as I am freaking out about something no one would freak out about because it is so "little." Guess what, it isn't so little to me. As a matter of fact, you make things such a big deal in my head that people think I am crazy and look at me like I am, leading me to think I am. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you make me feel worthless. You make me feel like I am unworthy of having any friends, having a good time and even being myself. My worth is on a scale of 1 to 10 to you. 1 being worthy and 10 being most unworthy. The number you chose for me was 11. I feel so worthless I can't even get out of my bed sometimes to go out with people or even hang out with a friend. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you have ruined relationships for me. You have ruined relationships with people in my family. You have ruined relationships with ex-boyfriends. You have ruined relationships with friends and ex-friends. You have taken away people from me who I cared for and loved the most. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you make me unable to breathe. Because of you, I cannot do meditation. Because of you, I cannot take a deep breath when people are trying to help me. You take my breath away. You make me feel like you're holding my head underneath water, while I can see you laughing as I can't breathe. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you make me unable to collaborate my words. I can't put simple sentences together because of you. I cannot get my ideas, thoughts, pains across to others because of this. It makes me feel so stupid and like I can't do anything for myself. This really hurts me.

I hope you realize you make me feel like I can't function as a normal human being. You put me on the ground unable to get up and fend for myself. You make me cry, scream, roar. You keep me down and it isn't fair. You need to learn how to be nice and let me go, because this really hurts me.

I hope you realize all the pain you make me feel. You make me feel like I am being eaten alive. You make me feel like shit. You make me feel super alone. You make me feel worthless. You make it feel like relationships can't last. You make me feel like I can't breathe. You make me unable to collaborate my words. You make me feel like I can't function as a "normal" human being. This all really hurts me.

One day, I think it would be in your best interest to come to terms with yourself and see not only the pain you put me through but others too. If only you knew anxiety, if only you knew.