Dear God:

This is a letter from one of your believers. I am a follower of your word, a reader of your bible, and on occasion, i attend one church or another. Through the years, I have attended dozens of churches. And at the present time, I do not attend a church. The reasons I do not currently attend a church are similar to the reason I stopped attending other churches in my past life. I simply grew tired of the two-faced behavior, the hypocrisy, the lies, and feeling like I fit in as long as I attended church. I grew tired of not having friends anymore once I missed one or two weeks. I grew tired and frustrated when your followers would stop calling, texting or having anything to do with me once I stopped being part of their little clique.

God, I am truly sorry. I am sorry for not being an avid church person. I am sorry for not being a perfect Christian. I am sorry for not acting like my life is amazing, preaching about Jesus, preaching about changing the world, and posting shit on social media that makes me sound like I was cut from the cloth of Jesus and a perfect example of what a Christian should be. I apologize for not being that way. God, I'm not that person. I would be a fake like so many of your followers. And this is my open letter of apology to you. I am sorry that so many of your believers and followers are fake. I am sorry that so many people that believe in you attend church, have their social circles, their best friends, their buddies, and their bible studies. And the minute any of those individuals stop being a part of that? The church people that claim to love you, follow your word, and read your Bible stop practicing what they preach.

God I am truly sorry that I cannot post fake things on social media. I am sorry that I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not. I am sorry that I'm not a perfect Christian that can preach the gospel to the listening ears all the while I'm not being a friend like I should be, I'm not accepting the folks that stop attending church, and I'm not being a real person that follows your word and the Bible. I'm not that person. And I am sorry that not only I'm not that person, but I am truly sorry that so many of your followers are not practicing what they preach.

God, I love going to church. I love hearing a good pastor spread your word. I love hearing the message from the Bible. I love hearing the scriptures. But what I struggle with is being surrounded by people who say hello to me, that pretend to be my friend, and the minute I stop going to church, they make excuses why they can't go out with me, they make up reasons why they don't call me, they stop associating with me, and they pretend I don't exist. I am truly sorry God that so many of your followers are fakes, hypocrites and liars. I am also truly sorry that I have made friends with so many of them. I have been hurt more times than I can count on one hand. I have been hurt and left behind by more people than I could count on two hands. It is disappointing and a true let down. And God? I am sorry that so many people claim they love you, they practice your word, they preach the gospel, and they want to lead by example.

Sadly? When it comes to the Christian faith and so many of your believers? It's all a lie. And for their behavior, their activity, for their hypocrisy and their two-faced back-stabbing behavior towards so many others? This is my open apology to you God. I am sorry that your worship group has to behave like this. And they have to treat others like this.

This letter is to you God. It is to tell you that I am not criticizing you. I have the strongest faith I have ever had in my life for you. You have provided me with a good family, two wonderful kids, a good job, a beautiful granddaughter, the trees in my yard, the sky above, the sun in the sky, the stars that come out at night, the breeze, the trees and the life I live. You are to me, truly wonderful God. And I would never say anything bad about all you provide for me, and for protecting those that I love and those that love me. Unfortunately, God, I cannot say the same thing about so many of your followers, your believers, and those that want to preach your word but don't practice it.

I would like to truly say I'm sorry God. You are wonderful, have given me a good life, and you have given me some very special people. It is not your fault that so many of your believers, those that call themselves Christians don't act like it. Men and women do what men and women do. Often times, I question why you can't step in and stop the lying, hypocrisy, excuses on why they won't be friends with others just like them, or why you can't fix the problem. I know the truth. You let humans being human, act as they do, and live how they live. God, you are wonderful, you are amazing, you have provided me a very good life, and continue to provide for me day after day.

I would like to take a moment, however, to apologize that so many of your followers don't act like I am sure how you'd want them to. And I am also sorry, God, that I don't act like I'm sure you'd want me to. I am certain you would not want me calling your believers out for being hypocrites, two-faced liars, and back-stabbing fakes. I am certain that you'd want me to pretend that I'm just like them, be non-judgmental, be amazing, friendly, and accept everyone for who they are. And I'm sorry God. I can't do it. I love you. I just despise most of them. And I can't and won't be like them.

I hope at the end of the day, when the light is going out at the end of the tunnel, and my world is coming to an end, that you will allow me into the Gates of Heaven. For being who I am. For saying what I say. For acting how I act. And for most importantly, being real. I will not preach what I cannot practice. I will not treat people like others I've met in church treat people. I will not be a hypocrite, stab others in the back, pretend to be their friend, lie to their face, and the minute they stop going to church, make endless excuses why we don't talk or hang out anymore. That's not me God.

I am sorry that I do not think I'll be the perfect Christian you want me to be. And I hope that at the end of it all, you will accept me for who I am, what I was, who I was, and the person that I will always be. Me. Nothing more. Nothing less. No fake. No hypocrite. No bullshit.

Sincerely,

Me.