Well, fuck. I never thought I would actually see the day that Donald Trump and Mike Pence would actually make it to the White House.

Normally, I would try to sound like a rational, calm, all around nice guy when I put pen to paper for these articles. But on this particular day, I feel particularly venomous and arrogant. So, ahem, "trigger warning."

Dear red state imbeciles and morons*, you have shot yourself in the goddamn foot voting for Trump, a detached billionaire who could give less than a flying fuck about you. And whatever shit happens to you as a result of his policies (or lack thereof), is not only justified but incongruous as well. You will not gain ANY sympathy from me. Not even (as Stephen Hawking would put it) your demagogue of the lowest denominator will give a single, solitary fuck about you.

"Now Juan," You may say. "You are being totally unreasonable right now. Yes we understand that you are highly upset at the unexpected election results but is foul language and insults really necessary? Do you really feel proud for writing this unintelligible rant?"

Bet your sweet fucking ass it is. And if I can come to terms with my fucking magnum opus being a clickbait article, then I can forgive myself for writing this profanity laced tirade. But oh no. I am not expressing just opinions here. That shit is best left on tumblr and Right Wing news. I am gonna give you a near step by step breakdown on how his ideas are practically unsound. Buckle up, ladies and germs.

Let's start off with Trump's main selling point. The infamous "building a wall and making Mexico pay for it" gimmick. Despite the fact that Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto said that Mexico won't pay for the wall, Trump supporters truly believe this will come into fruition. Now I am gonna humor them for a second. Let's say the wall is built. The construction and upkeep of the wall completely undermines the fact that most illegal immigration doesn't come from Mexico or Central America.

Yeah, that's right. Most illegal immigration is from Asia, not south of the border. In order to curtail this, you would have to be constructing walls around the east and west coasts, as well as the northern border. And since most illegal immigration is done via legal means (e.g. buying a plane ticket to the U.S and staying until your visa expires), you'd pretty much have to resort the country into a paranoid police state where any foreigner (or foreign) looking person will face harassment or worse. In sum, building a border wall on the southern border of our fair nation would go to fucking meirda.

Moving on, I have noticed an overwhelmingly support for Trump in the gay community. As an ally, I will always be on your side no matter what. But to the fucking ignoramuses who thought it was a good idea to vote for the Almighty Fucktard Cheeto because "fuck Hillary", you played yourself. In fact, you jackasses played yourselves so hard. Trump has expressed getting rid of marriage inequality bill. Now I bet you Milo-loving, self loathing gay folk are like "Yeah, but it isn't gonna happen."

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. The House and the Senate are going to be Republican owned during Trump's stay at the Oval Office. Most of them aren't fans of the homosexual lifestyle. You keep listening to Milo Yannopoulous and hope everything turns out okay. Spoiler alert my misguided little fae: It's not. With Mike Pence as VP and his support of conversion therapy, we may start to seeing the whole lot of you getting your brains fried in a horrid and ignorant attempt to make you straight. Just remember, you voted for that.

Now as many of you may have read my previous work before, you will know that I am a science otaku. So expressing positive views on anti-vaccination makes me want to RKO you out of nowhere. And guess who expresses anti-vax views? You guessed it. Pence is a open Evangelical so I can expect that from him. But from a self-worshiping, faux religious sack o' shit like Trump? That's a new sickening low even for him.

And not that any of his supporters would give two iota of a fuck about this, but if 375 scientists says "Hmm... maybe we shouldn't elect him...." Maybe you should try listening to the smartest guys in the room for once. Sure that that's what we call in academia "an appeal to authority", but I would rather take the advice of sages over the opinions of Dumbfuckistan peasants.

Now finally a few cavets.

Notice how I made a cavet over the term "red state imbeciles and morons." Not all of you living in the red states (Texas and Florida, I am looking at you) are blithering idiots who would gladly vote for a indifferent businessman who could care less about them. This essay is dedicated to those idiots who did. Trust me, I am not bad at you.

Now, where do my loyalties lie? Am I a Hillary shill? No. I have not received any cash flow from Clinton. I don't like Jill Stein or Gary Johnson (although I may vote third party just to shut up one member in my circle about voting third party). I just find Trump to be the worse possible candidate for present.

Now this was written on November 10, 2016. I am sure a lot of things will change from when the article was written to when it was published. If anything comes out that changes or even contradicts everything written here, I shall acknowledge that.

Now as I conclude this rant, I have to accept that none of you will listen to me and that this essay falls on deaf ears. I fully accept that. But that just goes to prove that Deplorables never listen to reason and prefer to go with opinions and unfulfilled promises.

I hope it was worth it.