Almost a month ago I was diagnosed with major depression, and I have never told anyone except my mother and boyfriend before now.
As a girl who loves to smile, has a ton of positive energy and wants to be a motivational speaker, it seemed unbelievable to hear that I was dealing with this. I had seen counselors and talked to people, but never really thought anything about it. It was really my mother and younger sisters that said, "Jazz, you aren't being you. You are angry and upset and we want you to get help."
Fast forward to July 20th. I walked into my family doctor's office. I had been there a million times, but this time I was alone, and I knew it, and I was going to have to look at him and say "I'm depressed." I really felt like in that moment I had failed in myself. Being someone who is known for her positive outlook, to have someone, let alone a doctor, look at you and say, "You have major depression and we are going to put you on an anti-depression."
Now I am a month into these pills, and I notice a small change in who I am, but I am not anyone different. I can see how that can be a confusing statement, but bear with me. Yes, my mental state is being altered a little bit because of the medication, but my heart will never change.
Do I want to be on these pills for the rest of my life? No.
Do I wish I was different? No.
I have never had to lean on anyone before and now, at 19 years, I am having to learn what most learn as children, to lean on those around you. When I left the doctor, I called my boyfriend and I cried for what seemed like hours because my world fell at my feet, but he said something to me that I will never forget. He said, "Jazz, this can change your mind and balance your emotions, but your heart can never be altered." And in that moment I realized that this moment was not crippling; it gives me another way to reach people.
So why am I writing this article? Simple, I am a girl who never thought this could happen to me and it did. There are so many people in this world who think that depression can never touch them, but I am here to say that it can, and if it does, don't be afraid because this is only the beginning of your story.
I am here. You are here. You are safe.