I remember my parents taking me to my summer orientation just before my freshman year of college. The way my university did it was that they put the students and parents in different groups for the duration of orientation then bring them back together for a final ten-minute farewell session. The first thing my parents said to me when we reunited was this: “Don’t sexually assault someone.” I was quite taken aback by this. I was wondering what the university told them during their sessions, because I sure as hell already knew better.

For the past month, the same headlines flooded my newsfeed: “[insert celebrity here] Accused of Sexual Assault.” What began with the Harvey Weinstein revelations later worked its way to Oliver Stone, Ben Affleck, and even James Van der Beek revealed his trauma of being assaulted by older men in the television industry.

On a similar note, I have seen several headlines reporting teachers having sexual relationships with their students, which so alarms more conservative parents to the point where their only resolution is to pull their children out of public school altogether. So why

Americans are bad at perceiving sexual misconduct. Consent always seems to have a grey area amongst most young adults. I once volunteered for my university where I co-facilitated a program teaching the bystander effect. On more than one occasion, a student asked “What if” questions. “What if they were both drinking?” “What if they changed their mind?” Asking such questions only seems to grey the issue when it should be as clear as black and white.

Gender stereotypes also have been quite a bane on this whole issue. The stereotypes have made male victimization a hidden problem in society. Furthermore, people seem to forget that cyberspace is an environment where sexual misconduct can take place. We’ve all heard the term “revenge porn” before, and finding the distributors of revenge porn is just as difficult as identifying and convicting the perpetrators of sexual assault.

Americans are bad at teaching it. Sex Ed, Family Life, whatever you wanna call it--it’s failing us. And with a wave of abstinence-only groups influencing the programs, educating students on consent and assault seems to be in jeopardy. Abstinence might have its own merits, especially when it comes to preventing STIs and unwanted pregnancies, but it excludes everything from safe sex to the legal consequences of sexual assault. It further conditions students to shame people who have ever had sex outside of wedlock.

I remember taking Family Life (a more PC way to say Sex Ed.) in middle school. Our instructor asked the class “Is it against the law for a husband to rape his wife?” to which three people in my class answered “No” and I answered “Yes,” even having no prior exposure to the topic. Our instructor promptly educated the naysayers on the laws governing sexual behavior inside of wedlock, namely that it is indeed illegal for anyone to rape their spouse.

Americans are bad at reporting it. Take Harvey Weinstein, for example. Why now? If Weinstein had been committing these crimes for years, why is it just now coming to light? The answer might seem legitimate. The actresses associated with the Weinstein Group would certainly have a more difficult time finding work if they revealed the criminal behavior of the person that made the movies. This dynamic goes far beyond the film industry, though.

Of course, corporate workplaces institute sexual harassment education programs to raise awareness and encourage reporting the behavior, but what if a supervisor was the perpetrator? Once again, when faced with unwanted sexual advances in the workplaces, most would have reservations in reporting the act because it would more than likely cost them their job, especially if they are ones receiving the unwanted attention.

Americans are bad at penalizing perpetrators. Remember Brock Turner? The Stanford student who raped an unconscious woman behind a dumpster? Everybody who saw or read the story would all agree he deserved more jail time, as he was served three months out of a six-month jail sentence. Rewind further to 2012 when Emma Sulkowicz of Columbia University received no justice in the case against her perpetrator. The university and the police did not prosecute the alleged perpetrator due to lack of evidence, so Sulkowicz resorted to carrying a mattress around Columbia’s campus as a performative act of protest to show the student body the burden that survivors, like herself, carry.

So how can Americans correct the issues surrounding sexual misconduct? Americans need to come to terms with the fact that sex is a part of life. Why is it okay to consume sex through media without having open and honest conversations about it with our family or our peers? After all, sex LITERALLY GIVES LIFE, yet we try to suppress it due to feelings of shame or fear of ostracization by our family or community.

There is no avoiding sex because it pervades media through music, films, social media, and advertising. That is why it is crucial to approach sex without any stigma on the act itself or those who have had it. Such an attitude will make it easier to perceive acts of misconduct and thereby educate young people better on the deplorable issue. Treating sex in education and conversation the same way the media treats it might sound controversial, but the issue will never be solved without pushing the envelope with the topic itself.