“This is not a spectator sport!” I yell to my husband and two boys, lying around the living room, “If you’re not going to join me, then find some place to be for the next 31 minutes because the baby is napping and this is my yoga time.” They stare at me with a mixture of disbelief and amusement. It’s a real shock to everyone when mom needs “me time.”

They make their way to our playroom as the YouTube instructor asks me to take a cleansing breath. And, boy, do I need it. There are 2 days left of winter break and I am 7 days into a “31 Days: Yoga Revolution.” I know “revolution” sounds a bit cliché for a New Year’s fitness adventure, but it couldn’t be more appropriate.

Even before I stumbled across this YouTube series on New Year ’s Day, I was well aware of the powerful effects of yoga, or maybe only partially aware, as I’ve yet to make yoga practice a consistent element of my daily life.

Like many folks in the New Year, I am looking to “get in better shape” or “drop a few pounds.” Full disclosure: I’ve gained about ten to twelve pounds since giving birth to my daughter at the end of last February. Yes, that’s right, since.

My pregnancy with her was damn near magical: I worked out, I ate healthily, and the 21 pounds I gained fell right off after she was born. And then real life set in. I was suddenly a mother of three and my newborn seemed to hate everyone who wasn’t me. I was exhausted, hungry all the time from breastfeeding, and stressed from trying to manage our normal schedule that seemed nearly effortless when there were only two, fairly independent children to care for.

Unlike the poster mothers who apparently shed weight like I shed hair postpartum, breastfeeding does not make me lose weight. This is my third round, and it has never worked like that for me. As I mentioned, I am hungry ALL. THE. TIME. And although I have figured out how to nurse an infant in a front pack, it primarily takes place while sitting.

So lots of sitting, lots of eating, and lots more stress trying to reconfigure life led to a little extra “fluff” during a time when many women de-fluff.

So how does yoga fit into all of this? I know there are more intense and faster methods of getting physically fit. I know because I’ve used many of them over the years. But something that I have found in yoga is an appreciation of the process, no matter how slow. Add in an incredible sense of grounding that kickboxing or Zumba just never gave me, and yoga has pretty much become my favorite thing ever.

What I mean by “grounding” is this awareness of myself and my body that comes with me off of the mat and into most moments of life. From a novice perspective, yoga is a series of movements often paired with intentional breathing and poses that refine both balance and strength. But the deeper I dive into the practice, the more I realize that it is so much more than an act of fitness.

Yoga instructors frequently remind you to breathe deeply to clear out thoughts, root down to connect your body to the earth, alter the angle of your toes, your hips, your chest ever so slightly; be kind to yourself, accept your current capabilities and move from there. All of these tiny alterations bring awareness to areas that I didn’t realize I was missing.

And the results are not just physical. Yes, I have greater flexibility; and no, I don’t collapse as quickly in utter exhaustion after 5 push-ups. Yoga has yet to make me immune to all of every day stresses like little boys competing over just about everything or a baby with little interest in my “to-do” list, but it has taught me to work from whatever point I am at, breathing deeply and being aware of why something is causing stress.

It turns out, awareness brings peace. If I am aware that my baby is teething, it helps to remind me that she needs to be held and comforted all day will not last forever, and sometimes laundry can wait until tomorrow. If I am aware that my 5 and 7-year-old boys went to bed later than normal, I understand the root of their edginess and can manage greater empathy and better alternatives.

If I don’t take a moment to move beneath the surface clutter of stressful moments, then it is impossible to reach the peaceful understanding that lies beneath. Life is imperfect my friends; I am imperfect−at both life and yoga. If you could see my attempt at a crow pose, you would agree. If you don’t know what a crow pose is; just imagine a bear in yoga pants, trying to balance her knees on the backs of her elbows.

After 7 days of 30-minute yoga sessions, I am nowhere near crow pose, but I am nowhere near the tense woman that started this journey either. Proof: I slept less than 6 hours last night, and I haven’t even lost my shit or dipped into my secret stash of chocolate once today. If that’s not health, I don’t what is. Namaste.