I Am A Work In Progress

I Am A Work In Progress

I hope this article is a step in the right direction.
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I am a work in progress; like the rough draft of the paper that you have been putting off. I am the puzzle that you have never finished because it took too long to figure out. I am like the little bit of whip cream that you leave at the bottom of your drink: sweet, but too much to take the time to finish. I have many internal struggles, all pulling me in different directions and leaving my soul in the middle, confused and alone. I want to be better and do better, especially with those who love me so effortlessly, but I find that there are so many things that I have yet to sort out within myself. I put on this face that I have everything together and that I am calm, cool and collected, but to those who really know me and receive my late-night texts in distress, they know.

They know that I struggle, every day and that I am needy and not confident at times. They know that I get overwhelmed and carry my emotional baggage everywhere with me because, in some weird way, it is one of the only things that bring me comfort at times.

They know that I have gotten so good at showing the world one face and actually being completely different on the inside that they call me out in the quiet moments of the night. They tell me to change and to be better and work on my conflicts. So easy for them to say and so effortless for me to ignore them. It is what I am best at; ignoring the very people who call out my flaws. Why would I listen to them because deep inside my soul I know they are right?

They are reaching towards me with a helping hand and all I do is keep slapping that hand away. I do not want help…

But the thing is I do. I want to be better. I want to work on my inner demons and once and for all conquer them. I do not want to take out my frustrations on the very people who love me the most. I do not want to let myself go to the extent that I become immune to any idea of improving because I know what that does to people and it’s not good. I have a vision of what I want to be and where I want to go and I honestly think for a long time I thought I was close to being that.

However, the more I try to conquer the inner voices I have in my head, the more I realize how far away I really am.

I am so far but I do believe that my progress has already begun with this article. Even though this venting of mine thus far has been predominantly negative and self-loathing, I promise I do not discredit all of me to my imperfections. There are a lot of things about myself I love and am proud of. However, at this point in my life, I have reached a point where I do not want to slide by based on my good, my merit anymore. I want to finally tackle the things that I know are an issue in my life and I want to change to finally be the best version of myself.

I don’t know if this article is my first step in that process, but I hope it is a step in the right direction.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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Here's What Happens When All Of Your Friends Have Babies

All of my friends back home are married with children. No, really, they are.

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Over the past few months, three of my friends have shared their pregnancy news with me, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Baby news always stirs up a range of emotions for me. I'm excited and crying happy tears (no joke, I started to cry when my best friend told me and showed me her ultrasound).

Being "Auntie Meg" brings me such great joy. You see, I absolutely adore children, especially my friend's kiddos. They can easily brighten up my day with their giggles, love you, and their goodbye kisses & waves. I absolutely love getting to be "Auntie Meg"; it could potentially be my favorite role to fill.

I don't think I've ever loved human beings more than I love these babies. These are kiddos I would do almost anything for; they truly have my whole heart and I couldn't be more thankful for each and every one of them. I've loved getting to watch my friends grow into incredible parents.

I love getting to be one of the biggest cheerleaders for my friends and their kids. Listen, I can't wait for the day when they are older and are asking to come over more and spend time doing fun things with auntie Meg. I can't wait to watch them grow and I can't wait to be able to come alongside them and be a shoulder to cry on and one of the loudest voices cheering them on (Next to mom and dad, of course).

While there is just so much good about your friends growing up and having children of their own, if you are not careful, it can also fuel a person's self-doubt.

It can bring up questions like, "am I good enough?", "what is wrong with me?", "why am I not where they are at?" I would be lying if I said that I have never thought or felt these things, but here's the thing: you are good enough, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and their path is not your path; you will get there when you get there.

Those things are so important to remember in times when you begin to doubt yourself or your worth.

Believe me, you are good enough, there is nothing wrong with you, and that is not the path you need to be on at the moment. This is a great time for you to focus on you and the things you want out of life. What are your goals? What is on your bucket list? Just because you don't have the things your friends have, doesn't make your life any less fulfilled than theirs is. Your life is just as wonderful and fulfilling as theirs is, just in different ways.

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