To my brother, I am so sorry I had to leave when you were only 4.

I wanted so much to watch you grow up. I wanted so bad to be there to take you to your baseball games. You were too young to understand that I had to go off to college. I had to be the role model you deserve. You were too young to understand why I had to go to school hours away from you. I am so sorry if you don`t understand why one day I moved out of the room you knew as “Cris`s room” and never came back. I am sorry that it felt like I had left you. Every time I am able to find my way back home when school and work loosen their hold of me, I am astonished on how much you have grown. When I left, your hair was so long it was in your eyes.

You were still running around the backyard looking like a bobble-head because your head was way too big for your tiny body. You still shot a basketball using all 50 pounds of you as momentum to fling that ball 10 feet in the air. You still were able to sit on my lap. Now you're 9 years old. You have grown so much. You speak with words I had no idea you knew because when I left, you were barely learning how to read. You have new friends at school; I was no longer your best friend. You started to look at me like I was a stranger because I kind of was. I left to college and I became so obsessed with figuring my life out and figuring out who I am, that I forgot to remain loyal to the person you were familiar with.

To my sister, you were 10 when I had to leave. You were a mature 10 so you understood why I had to go, but you didn’t understand that I was never coming back to live with you. You thought I was just going to school for a little and I would be home soon and your life would go back to normal. You didn`t realize that now that both me and our older brother were out of the house, it was your turn to be the big sibling of the house, it was your turn to be the role model, it was your turn to help mom and dad out as much as you can, even though they never ask for anything. I am sorry I didn`t get to watch you walk into middle school for the first time. I am sorry that when you looked up from the stage at your dance recitals, I was no longer there sitting next to mom. I am sorry that you felt like you were too young to be the big sibling, but I truly believed in you. You have done great. When I talk to mom, she is so proud of the strides you are making in your academics. You're 14 now. You are about to start your first day of high school. You have been exactly who I knew you could be and I am so proud of you.

I am sorry I had to go to college so far away guys; I did it for you. I know you might have had days when you were upset that I left you, but I needed to show you that there is so much more life outside of our hometown. There are so many opportunities and I needed you guys to see that you should never be scared to take that risk, no matter how hard it is. Leaving home was the hardest thing I ever had to do. There are still days I find it hard to call home because it hurts when I hear you laughing in the background and I am missing it. I did this because I believe that in the long-term, it will bring us together and closer than ever. I’m sorry I had to leave to college when you were so young, but I really needed to be the role model you guys deserve.