I am socially awkward. There is no other way to put it. I don’t have very good conversation skills, I am painfully shy, and I don’t have many friends. In high school, I always sat at the “weird girl table” and I was always a target for bullying. I would say every single year of high school I had at least one person in my classes who gave me a hard time and made me dread going to school. Twice I actually had to have my seat moved because bullies were interfering with my learning.

Is this what comes to your mind when you call yourself, “socially awkward?” Maybe, but chances are, probably not. I hate how everyone throws around the term “socially awkward” like it’s nothing, when I have been called awkward countless times by people who actually meant it.

“Socially awkward” is not stuttering when your crush talks to you. “Socially awkward” is not pushing a door that says pull. “Socially awkward” is not being nervous presenting in front of the class. Those are all NORMAL things that happen to everyone. I really am socially awkward, and the only people reading this who will understand what I mean is the people who went to high school with me and truly know my reputation.

I had friends, but I never had a big group of friends. I had about three really close friends and that was it. I was always sitting by myself in class. If the teacher told us to partner up and I didn’t have any friends in the class, I would just sit there. Because I was so quiet, other kids saw me as an easy target. They could say whatever cruel things they wanted to me, and I wouldn’t say anything. I would just take in their comments and feel sorry for myself.

Even though I have come so far since those dreaded high school days, I will always have “awkward” as a part of my personality. We live in a world where being outgoing is seen as being successful, and being shy is seen as being a flaw. After all, many of the most successful people ARE outgoing- the president, athletes, singers, etc. Not to mention, one of the most crucial skills for employment are having, “good communication and people skills”. People think being shy is immature, but it’s not just a switch I can turn off. I have to work really hard to start up a conversation with a stranger, whereas for many people it just comes naturally.

This is what my socially awkward life is really like for me. It really bothers me how the term is thrown around so much. I promise I have so much more to my personality than just “awkwardness”, but not everyone can see that. Next time instead of judging a quiet person for being awkward, actually take the time to get to know them. Chances are they’re actually a really cool person!