I have three calendars, each with the same dates and deadlines carefully hand-written. I have planned, revised, edited, and acted upon my life just as I have the article you are reading at this moment. I have arranged the bits and pieces of my life, from large, long-term goals (such as undergraduate major, house location, and wedding possibilities) to fine-tooth details (like what to eat each day, which books to read in the short twenty-four hours in a day and deciding the best time to go to the gym so that I will have time to nap afterward).
There is absolutely no difference in "having a plan" and having a change in plans. In the end, the plan exists. You might take my supposed lack of swift action as a scheme to temporize adulthood, but I am here to tell you that you are wrong. I am changing my plan as I go rather than panicking, quitting, or starting completely over when obstacles restrict me from acting accordingly. I am not a procrastinator.
It is impossible to keep a one-track mind when you are 19 years old. In a way, having a plan at this age is paradoxical. Learning to (and needing to) adapt is simply part of living life, not a consequence of avoiding it. And while I realize my life has not been difficult in any shape, form, or fashion, it should be dually noted that my personal opinions change rapidly, even when your unrealistic preconceived notions of my caliber remain intact.
The parallel between my career choices and your expectations could not be more unmatched. With that said, though I understand you expect a certain degree of excellence of my performance not only in my education but also my future career, the opinions I form concerning myself have gradually altered and perhaps no longer align with the goals set by you. Selfishly, my life is solely my life.
Nevertheless, I could not be more gratuitous of the prior and remaining constant support and assistance concerning all aspects of my life. I am thankful, and I will always be the proudest daughter because I realize the sacrifices it takes to raise a child as ambitious and travel-happy as I am. Still, I have the will to live it in the way I please, no matter how lazily or postponing I appear to behave.
It may seem as though I am stalling adulthood. But, your observation cannot be farther from the truth. Life happens, and plans change accordingly. I am acting as quickly as possible to maintain the expectations of young adulthood set by you, society, and most importantly, myself. Constantly altering plans and having the determination to follow them is a job in itself, and I believe I am doing a swell job.
I apologize for not performing to your expectations and I understand your concern that my ability to sustain myself will drastically decline as I inch closer to graduation; nevertheless, do not insist that I am a procrastinator. I am trying, and I am giving my best. It is all I can do.
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
-T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"